I'm just a big, stupid, gullible, MAN, damnit.
Longtime readers of my blog will remember a few months ago when the ladies I work with went from being my hens in the barnyard to the bitches pecking at my butt after a rather ugly and heated exchange of words. Even my boss (whom I idolize most of the time) was on my "LIST"...although it was much easier to forgive him because damnit he figured out early on how to UN-piss me off.                                                                      

  So anyway, for quite some time now the bitches morphed slowly back into 'colleagues'....we at least managed to get back on speaking terms but it still hasn't been what it WAS. Until today. Damnit. I came into work and the first thing I saw was hen Colleen (I have to give them new names 'cause I forgot the originals) was picking her nose. You all KNOW that I couldn't resist THAT one. I looked at her, looked at my desk, grabbed a paper towel and offered it to her. She started to explain that she'd been sick lately and it had caused her to get some sort of 'sore' in her nose, to which I replied, "it's ok....I know it's a very difficult thing to admit you've got a booger...it'll be our little secret." She started to stammer, and said, "No, really..it's a sore!" And naturally, I gave my "yeah, right" look....and she got a little louder, "IT'S A SORE, DAMNIT!!"

Imagine if you will how quiet it is first thing in the morning in an office and you'll know the reaction that her rather loud comment got. We both couldn't help but laugh.

A little later, Conchetta (ok I remembered her former name!) jumped to my defense when one of the guys from the field called in and started complaining to her about me. He was saying that he'd been having a hard time explaining my job to me and that I must be an idiot when she piped up and told him, "look joo deepshit...he dose what he is told to do and he hass done bitter in one jear than Bunnie deed in tree!" Remember, Conchetta is from South America. I was quite touched by her defense of me. Yes, I thanked her. Damnit.

Well since I was defended by one hen and caught another picking boogers out of her beak, I figured I'd go ahead and let the bitches be hens again. They must have known that the ice had melted because instantly they started spewing their venom! The good natured venom of course. At one point, I was almost volunteered to go to Germany by Galeen (another hen), then I was sold into slavery by Conchetta (don't ask), and even told that I need to buy one of those plastic butts by Valesha (another hen)!!   Of course my fearless boss (who is on vacation in Virgina but called to check on us) was NO help whatsoever when I got on the phone and begged for his help...he tells me, "take it like a man!" Naturally, I vowed revenge on Monday when he returns from his fishing trip!

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So aside from the hens being allowed to cluck in my presence again, I was **OVERJOYED** that today was my official last day for the week! Even the boneheads that I had run-ins with today could not ruin my mood. One guy asked me for the second time in as many weeks about when he could expect his overtime to be entered into the computer correctly by me, and for the second time in as many weeks, I had to explain to him that when and ONLY WHEN he learned how to act as though he's a grown man working in a professional environment and conducted himself as such would I even begin to entertain the idea of considering correcting the time sheet that HE is supposed to ensure is correct BEFORE he submits it.   Take THAT, smartass!

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And now for a little family drama (hey, I can't have TWO funny entries in a week...it wouldn't be normal!)....

It seems that both my brother AND my sister are a bit miffed at me.
First...my brother:

--> I was invited to his step-son's birthday party, which I did not attend for various reasons. I love my nephew, but I just couldn't go to the party. I explained this to my brother, for which I got a guilt trip. No biggie..I'm used to those from him where his children are concerned. Keep in mind however, that I only see my brother and his family once a year at Christmas....even though they drive by my house twice a MONTH to visit his wife's sister, who lives exactly 3 miles from me. Since I didn't attend the birthday party, I have not heard a peep from my brother, who always calls me on Friday afternoons on his way home from work.

Next up, the sister:

--> Several weeks ago, I was duped into videotaping my brother in law's surprise birthday party. I have nothing against him, but we're just not very buddy-buddy. I agreed begrudgingly because there was no one else to do this taping for her. So I went to the party, did the taping, took some pictures, and then left when the crowd started to thin out. I'd been up since 5am and it was roughly 10pm when I left, and close to 11 by the time I got home. My sister seemed a bit annoyed that I was leaving, but I explained to her that I'd rather head home BEFORE the danger of falling asleep at the wheel was a DEFINITE rather than just a POSSIBILITY.

I haven't heard from HER since then either. Keep in mind that this is the same night that I discover my nephew (her son) has been allowed to spend weekends with people who are as related to him as YOU guys out there are, yet he's not spent any time at my house with ME...his uncle!

................SOOOOOOOOO, after a LOT of soul searching, and input from people in my life who ARE in my life on a regular basis, I've decided that there are going to be some changes in the way things are done where the "family" is concerned:

1) Uncle Bry doesn't travel to do any babysitting. Not because of gas prices, but because I don't want to spend another Friday getting up at 5am, working till 5:30pm, travelling an hour to my sister's house, babysitting for 6 hours, then driving home and not getting to bed until 1am. I'm not a teenager anymore...I can't and WON'T keep those kind of hours!

2) Since my house was elected as the holiday gathering spot because it's the biggest, I will gladly host these festivities ONLY on the condition that by Christmas, my family has visited me at my home at least TWICE in the previous year. In return, I'll attend birthday parties, cook-outs, etc. thereby making the traditional guilt trips and hard feelings unnecessary.

In short, I'm removing the "WELCOME MAT" that's apparently been glued to my forehead for the last few years.



And with that...I bid you all a good night!