Well, winter has FINALLY arrived in North Carolina! We have less than an inch of snow on the ground here, mixed with some ice and freezing rain. In other words, nothing too treacherous. Of course, here in NC, just the threat of anything wintry sends the news crews scurrying!

Newschick in studio: So tell me Mindy Jo, do you SEE any snow out there?

Newschick outside: Well, Cindy Lynn, I see lots of snow! I did manage earlier to get an exclusive interview!

Newschick to snowflake: Tell me! Are there more of you to come??!! Will you be covering our roadways??!!

(No response from the snowflake)



Newschick outside: So as you can see, Cindy Lynn, it looks like we have NO idea how much of the white stuff we're going to get!

Newschick in studio: Oh don't worry Mindy Jo...we here at WRAL will be on the air non stop until this snow crisis is over!

>>we now resume regular programming<<<

The other evening, I decided that I wanted some pizza for dinner. I decided that my best option would be Pizza Hut. Clearly, I was insane with hunger for having made such a decision, but I plead my weakened condition on the intense desire for nourishment. So I headed out for my local PH and I soon found out that something as simple as eating out can quickly become an adventure.

The experience started when I was greeted at the door by a rat wearing a polyester hat. I was a little alarmed at first, but he assured me that he meant me no harm. He explained that the regional vice president had given him an ultimatum: either work in the restaurant for substandard wages, or pack his things and leave. Since housing is at a premium in this area, he had no choice but to accept the terms. Hearing his story almost made me forget that he was in fact a rodent.

As I was seated, I opened the menu and shrieked in horror: there was a roach in the crease of the menu! I was ready to throw the menu when the little roach, who was also wearing a polyester hat, implored me not to cause him to lose HIS job! Clearly perplexed, I asked the roach what HIS story was. He told me that the regional vice president had told HIM if he wanted to stay at the restaurant he had to work for substandard wages!! By the time the roach finished his story, I was INFURIATED! Not because of the fact that he was being FORCED to work for such low wages, but because as it turns out, the regional vice president is his brother in law!!!!

Now, one would think that being greeted by a rat at the door and a roach as my waiter would be enough to deter me from continuing my dining experience, but I am not easily deterred. Besides, I knew that if I just walked out, innocent vermin would needlessly lose their jobs!

When the pizza arrived, I was a little unnerved to see that the toppings appeared to be moving. Upon closer examination, I discovered that these weren’t toppings at all! They were little tiny beetles!!! They were more afraid of me than I was of them though! They told me that the wicked regional vice president was making them work as black olives when the restaurant’s supply ran low!!!

Ok, NOW I’d had quite ENOUGH! It’s one thing to force a rat to serve as host, a cockroach to serve as a waiter…but I have to draw the line at exploiting baby beetles!! It’s just criminal!!! I had to track down this evil regional vice president and give him a piece of my mind!!!

As it turns out, tracking him down wasn’t all that difficult. I simply found out the name of the franchise that owned the restaurant (ironically, as angry as I was, the name of the company was synonymous with that very word!) and I asked for an appointment with the regional vice president. As I entered his office on the day of our meeting, I wasn’t really shocked to discover that this exploiter was, in fact, a weasel and not a human being. When I explained to him the error of his ways, he just gave me that “weasely” look and laughed. He told me that HE was in charge of all the subordinates and that he’d run his company the way that HE saw fit! Strangely enough, though, I noticed that the name plate on his desk read Alan. Hmmmm…interesting that a weasel would have a human’s name!??

As the weasel spouted his incoherent and infuriating psychobabble, I decided that I had to rid the world of this scoundrel once and for all. I whistled, and my ferocious guard poodle Sammy came leaping into the room and ate the weasel.

And all was well in the land of Pizza Hut at last.

Since I have had nothing better to do for the last month or so, I've considered doing some traveling, but after reading up on some of the destinations around the country, I've thought better:

Alaska: Despite being close to Alabama in the encyclopedia, Alaska is actually located in Canada. Alaska contains large quantities of nature in the form of tundra. "Tundra is the Eskimo word for 'nothing'.." Their official state motto is "BRRRRR", and their state bird is covered in oil.

Arkansas: Though it has an ideal location somewhere in the United States that no one can quite picture in their mind, Arkansas has much to offer in the way of...well...Wal-mart.

Florida: The major industries of our most southern state are tourism, bingo, and funerals for retirees from New York. It also boasts "Disney World", which in Swahili means "Tigger will slap you."

Georgia: Even though most of the state of Georgia burned down during the filming of 'Gone with the Wind', it has rebuilt itself into a thriving part of the 'New South', which basically means that now all of the rednecks drive Japanese pick-ups.

Minnesota: The major industries in Minnesota are cows and trying to get your car started, which is really difficult because the state is actually located in the Arctic circle. Minnesota's largest city is Minneapolis, which means "St. Paul" in French.

New York City: Formerly known as New York, it's a good idea to follow some pretty important safety rules when visiting: always walk at least 30 miles per hour, keep your money in a safe place (such as Switzerland), and never make eye contact with ANYONE. In the New York courts, if the accused can prove that the accuser has a history of making eye contact, he is automatically found not guilty!

South Carolina: Known as "North Carolina's Slutty Sister", South Carolina boasts the largest concentration of trailer parks in the United States.

North Carolina: Though it's my home state, there's still lots to do here, provided that one can afford to travel within the state because the gas tax is over 50 cents per gallon. One spectator sport growing in popularity is watching the "Battle of the Stuck up Yuppies", otherwise known as Cary trying to annex Holly Springs. Another popular sport is watching our governor Mike "Taxemtodeath" Easley fly around in a state owned helicopter to the beach for his personal vacations!

I think I'll just stay home.

Ok, so it's Saturday morning and under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be caught dead being awake before 10 in the morning! Today is different though, because my brother is getting married today and I have to be at the church early.

So I turn on the tv and there are these very unfamiliar cartoons on. Strange cartoons. Preachy cartoons. Poorly drawn cartoons! And...GASP! even computer generated cartoons!! Whatever happened to Scooby Doo? Captain Caveman? Jeez! Where are the Jetsons???? No wonder kids today are so into their video games...there's nothing good on Saturday morning tv anymore!! Thank God there is Boomerang and Cartoon Network on satellite!

Well, it's time to finish getting ready for the big day. I can't wait...FREE FOOD!!!

Well, I have hit an all new boredom low! I realized I hadn't updated my blog since Monday! There's not much going on around here lately, except of course for the demise of the little brown mouse, aka Nightbug's minion!

I guess about the most exciting thing lately is my brother's upcoming wedding! He will be marrying his high school sweetheart on Saturday afternoon! It will be nice to finally have a sister in law that I can actually get along with! My former sister in law was, well, let's just be frank..she was a bitch!

Ugh..ok well I'm not going to make anyone who reads this suffer any longer...I'm signing off now!