I've come to the conclusion that North Carolina has the following seasons:

Winterlite: this season begins in mid December. The temperatures will fall well below the freezing mark, except when there is the slightest possibility of precipitation. In the event that there is precipitation headed this way, the temperatures will immediately rise to well above the freezing mark. In the off chance that any frozen precipitation DOES happen to make it to the ground, rain will immediately wash it all away within half an hour.

Springshort: the shortest of all seasons in North Carolina. It runs from mid-day April 22nd to early morning April 23rd. During this time, all trees will get their green leaves & all flowers will bloom. Of course at the same time, any living thing that produces allergy symptoms will spread their plague over the land. Though springshort is over as quickly as it begins, the allergies linger through the next season:

Summerhell: Beginning at nine o'clock on the morning of April 23rd and ending late November, this is North Carolina's longest season. The temperature immediately rises from a comfortable 70 degrees to an unbearable 98 degrees with humidity levels in the upper 80s. Grass immediately turns brown, the beautiful flowers burst into flames, and leaves on the trees wither and die. This season is especially dangerous to the average North Carolinian because it is the season that trailer park dwelling females don tube tops and sweaty pony tails.

Fallingleaves: Named for the most significant event of the season, this is the second shortest. Beginning in late November and lasting until Winterlite, this is the season when the leaves fall off all trees in the state..at the same time. Trees that normally do not have leaves will produce dead ones that will immediately fall to the ground. Halloween used to be celebrated during this season until some yuppies in the city of Cary, NC decided that it wasn't within the guidelines of all subdivisions located within their city limits and therefore was not appropriate for anyone in the state.

I'm quite sure that there are those who may ask, "Why don't you move to another state?" Well, the answer to that question is because since I live in North Carolina, I can not afford to move. Taxes in this state are set up to prevent one from ever leaving the state on a permanent basis. But that's another bitch, er, I mean post for later!

I just finished watching the weather forecast...there is a 'chance' that we here in the Central North Carolina area 'may' or 'may not' get some snow, sleet, or freezing rain in the morning on Thursday of this week. The 5pm, 5:30pm, and 6pm weathercasts all said the same thing on every channel in the area..."we may or may not see snow, sleet, or freezing rain...we just don't know at this point."

Now, for those of you who may not know this, meterologists make a hell of a lot of money. Usually, they have access to weather forecasting equipment that costs television stations (or radio stations, or websites, whatever...) millions of dollars to buy and maintain. Yet, with all of this advanced technology at their fingertips, the weather geeks STILL can't make a good guess at what the weather is going to be like in 36 hours!

So, I now want to be a meterologist. It's a win win deal for whatever media outlet would hire me to forecast the weather. On the one hand, I would be making some really good money at what I do. For the outlet that hired me, it would be an extremely good move because they could simply do away with all of the Doppler radar crap and save a ton of money. All they would have to do is give me a computer with high speed internet access...I would simply go to weather.com or accuweather.com, look at the maps, and take a guess. I could then pass along this information to the public. If the maps looked a little "iffy", I could simply tell folks...."look, it might snow...the best way to know for sure is to get up and look out the window. If you see white stuff falling out of the sky, call in to work and then go back to bed. If you see rain...oh what the hell...call in to work anyway and go back to bed."

Seriously...I think I'd be good at it! I certainly couldn't be any worse than these knuckleheads who take 15 minutes to say essentially the same thing!

Have you ever noticed that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as all other laws of the universe? It’s true:

1. A child’s (over) eagerness to help in any project you’re involved in varies in inverse proportion to his/her ability to actually do the work involved!
2. Leftovers always expand to fill ALL available containers in the refrigerator…plus one!
3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at twice the speed of one that is not clean!
4. The availability of a pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed!
5. The same clutter that will fill a one car garage will also fill a two car garage. This rule also applies to your home.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight. The equivalent of one glass of soda left in the bottle plus two adults equals a divorce.
7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of tv remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. What goes up, must come down, except bubble gum and slightly used Rice Krispies.

Here’s something else to remember…the difference between constructive and destructive criticism is pretty simple…the former is what you give, while the latter is what you get.

This is a cute little quip I read recently: A group of children were on a field trip to visit a replica of one of Christopher Columbus’s ships. The tour guide asked the children, “does anyone know the name of all three ships?” One very excited little girl raised her hand and replied, “the Nina, the Pinta, and the Pina Colada….”

Well that’s it for my daily dose of wisdom

I've got a couple of different things to talk about today, so please forgive me if I seem to ramble! First of all, my brother's wedding was last weekend, and all went very well! I think that I can say that he is TRULY happy for the first time in YEARS! I never realized how miserable he was with his first wife until I saw his face when his new wife was coming down the aisle. Of course, my new sister in law is a completely different kind of person than my former sister in law...she actually WANTS to be a part of my brother's family (what's left of it anyway)...here's a picture of my brother, his wife, and me as I gave them a heartfelt toast at their reception:


I've also gotten to see my nephew Eli a lot over the last couple of weeks..courtesy of lots of birthdays and other events going on this month. My sister took the below picture of the two of us at the wedding reception..this is officially my favorite picture now:



Oh yeah..I learned a neat little thing a couple of weeks ago..and believe me folks, it works!! Of course, a checking account is required...but here's what you do...put today's date in the date section of your check...in the "pay to the order of" section, write your full name (as you would sign your name)...in the $ section, write "PAID IN FULL" in capital letters...then in the section where you spell out the amount of the check, once again, write out "PAID IN FULL" in capital letters....in the "MEMO" or "FOR" section, write out "PAID IN FULL" in capital letters once again....finally, in the signature section, sign it "Law of Abundance".... If you do this, supposedly you'll receive money in a short amount of time....

Now, when my cousin told me about this, my first reaction was to laugh...but I said, "what the hell" and did it anyway...ten days later, I FINALLY got my approval for my unemployment benefits PLUS three weeks' worth of back pay..which was REALLY needed!! So try it and see if it works!

Well, that's about it for today!

I found something kinda funny today, and I dedicate the below picture to my friend and former colleague, Nightbug:


Of course, I came across the following image at the same time, and dedicate it to the management of my former office:



And, last but not least, I dedicate the image below to my former supervisor, Blondezilla: