I read something just a few minutes ago that has prompted me to write another post for today, and it's a bit on the serious side, so try and bear with me because I'm trying to convey a message to someone that I think needs to hear it.

During the past year plus some change that I've kept this blog here, I've told anecdotes here and there about my life both present and past, some of it on the lighter side, and other times it's been somewhat sad. That's just life, though. Right?

One thing I'm feeling compelled to share right now is about my past. My father was extremely possessive, jealous, and extremely cunning. To those on the "outside", he was a happy-go-lucky guy with lots of friends, a lot of ambition, and a 'zest' for life. My mother, who as I mentioned recently, was a very reserved, prim & proper good Catholic girl from an upper class Midwestern family that didn't believe in divorce (among other things).

My dad used these traits of my mom against her on a daily basis. Though she was extremely intelligent and unbelievably beautiful, he convinced her that she was a "dumb, homely Yankee" who couldn't survive without him. All of my life, I was subjected to my mother being treated this way by my father, and what used to infuriate me the most was when she would defend him by dismissing his behavior as "the results of a bad childhood." See, my dad's father was an alcoholic...a situation that resulted in his mother being divorced when my dad was only 13 years old. My father being as cunning as he was, used this as his reasoning when he would either verbally or physically abuse my mother. He'd cry, beg for forgiveness, and promise profusely that he'd change. Being the good Catholic girl that she was, and being as soft hearted as she was, mom always forgave him. Nothing ever changed though. Nothing.

My mother's family at times BEGGED her to get away from my dad. She'd always say that she would, and she'd make big plans to "find her way back to herself" .....eventually....but she never did. Year after year, there was always a "good reason" why she couldn't leave. Money (or lack thereof), ambition, opportunity...fear of my dad. There was always something.

My mother finally did win her freedom when she was 44 years old...when my father died suddenly of a heart attack. She finally had the opportunity to go on with her life and hopefully find a bit of happiness with a man that would be kind and loving towards her....there was just one problem though.

Instead of my mom looking forward to spending the last half of her life finally living as her own person, she spent that time planning her funeral. You see, by the time that my dad died, she'd already been diagnosed with a terminal illness. One year and eight months later, my mother died. She was just a couple of weeks shy of her 46th birthday when she died.

What was the results of my mom staying with someone who treated her so badly, and her defense of him and excuses for his behavior..and her ultimate "settling" of the life she'd destined for herself? A daughter who didn't marry until she was 33 for fear of ending up with a carbon copy of dad...a son who adamantly refuses to marry for fear of ending up a carbon copy of dad (ME!)...and another son who's already on his second marriage because he married a FEMALE version of dad! If my mom were here today, I'd have to ask her one question about the whole thing: "Was it worth it?"

I swear folks, not one word of this post is exaggerated or otherwise altered for effect, and I further swear that I'll never EVER get THIS personal again, because it's EXTREMELY difficult for me to talk about this, but more than anything, I am praying that the person I want to read this post actually stops by to read it and takes it to heart..and knows that there are those of us out here who have lived in their shoes before......

To start things off today, I'm going to follow up on something that was said yesterday in the comments section of yesterday's post. I was told that I resemble Ben Walton, and then the topic got turned to John Boy's famous mole. It was speculated that perhaps the mole was actually a small mouse with bad eyesight. I quipped that perhaps it was actually the actor who played 'Tattoo' on 'Fantasy Island'....as I suspected, I was correct, and here's proof:
Exhibit 1: Actor Richard Thomas and 'the mole'


Exhibit 2: Herve...um...Vell...fuckit..the guy who played 'Tattoo':



The pictures speak for themselves! I rest my case.

In other news:

I've spoken about my new job lately...good and bad. The bad being mostly that I've felt like an idiot trying to learn the position, and of course dealing with the general public in a face to face capacity. Suffice it to say that it hasn't done much for my self confidence. Today, however, I was told by my immediate supervisor that I'm actually doing extremely well and have surpassed all expectations of someone who's only been with the company for a short amount of time (exactly a month today!)...she even said that I'm more competent than the very people who have trained me...and they've been there far longer than me! It did my self confidence a LOT of good knowing that I'm not the idiot that I thought I was!

Furthermore.....

Now, I know I eat a lot of Chinese food. I accept that. In my defense though, the buffet in the shopping center that I work at has THE BEST curry chicken I've ever tasted. Seriously..I could eat my weight in the stuff! I didn't realize until today just HOW MUCH of the stuff I've eaten lately until I came across a stack of fortune cookies in my truck. Since I'm always on the lookout for amusing little anecdotes for my posts here, I thought it'd be fun to share the bits of wisdom that these little treats hold:

....."Education will never be as expensive as ignorance" (well DUH!)

....."The difficulties of life are meant to make us better, not bitter" (well I ought to be a freakin GENIUS by now!)

....."Compassion will cure more than condemnation" (again...DUH!)

....."Share your happiness with others today" (I did...read the second paragraph!)

....."Your infinite capacity for patience will be rewarded sooner or later" (Clearly, Confuscious doesn't know ME very well!)

....."Don't worry, prosperity will knock on your door soon" (well what in the HELL is it waiting for? An engraved invitation??!!)

....."Conscience is a man's compass" (Damnit..I can't argue with that one!)

....."Small opportunities are often the beginnings of great enterprises" (Tell that to my former business partner!)

Well, that's it for now! Time to catch up on my blog surfing for the week!!

There are some phrases in this world that strike fear into our hearts when we hear them...and it's funny how many different places we can actually hear those dreaded phrases from...for example:

The Lawyer's Office:

....."We could always take our chances with the jury"
....."I can assure you, my fee is competitive"
....."It's a shame this didn't happen before they changed the law last year"

The Car Mechanic's Shop:

....."How much did you pay for this car?"
....."How soon did you need your car back?"
....."Is there someone that can come and pick you up?"
....."When was the last time you checked your transmission fluid?"

The Dentist's Office:

....."Now, you're going to feel a bit of a pinch"
....."That tooth may be sensitive to cold and hot for a while"
....."Hmmmm.....that doesn't look good"
....."Who's your insurance carrier?"
....."Are you particularly fond of that front tooth?"

The Barber or Hairstylist:

....."Uh-oh"
....."I just graduated from beauty school last week"
....."Don't worry, I did this on a mannequin a hundred times"
.....(to a blonde): "How do you feel about being a red head?"
.....(to a brunette): "Have you ever considered going blonde?"

The Internal Revenue Service:

....."After reviewing your tax records........"
....."Don't worry, you can always set up a repayment plan"
....."When was the last time you filed your tax return?"
....."We'd like to see you in our office"

The Car Dealership:

....."We do have alternative financing sources"
....."Your trade in didn't appraise as high as we thought it would"
....."We're going to do everything we can"
....."We can't get you in the car you were looking at, but we do have some nice ones on the back lot for you to look at"

The Job Interview Follow-Up:

....."We've got a question about something that showed up on your background check"
....."We thank you so much for applying for the position"
....."We'll call and let you know one way or the other"
....."How do you feel about working in extreme conditions?"

A Police Detective:

....."Can you come down to the station?"
....."We've got a few questions to ask you"
....."Are you aware of the penalties of perjury?"
....."You have the right to remain silent"

From Your Significant Other:

....."Remember that rash I had last week?"
....."I'm late"
....."Are you SURE that's where you were last night?"
....."We need to talk"
....."Do you remember last year when I told you I was out of town on business?"
....."I've got something to tell you, so you'd better sit down"

That's it for tonight!

My mother was always a very prim and proper woman, a trait that for the most part drove me nuts while growing up. I never knew of anything "normal" that she did as a child or a teenager ....her version of adventures of her childhood were quite tame...almost in the fashion of a typical 1960s sitcom. She even looked the part, as you can see by her senior year high school picture below.....

 It's circa 1966 if the flip hairdo isn't a giveaway! Anyway, I'd always wondered where my mother got her views on a lot of things in life. Not long ago, I got out some boxes that contained some of her personal things, and I came across one of her old textbooks from high school. As I thumbed through it, the secret of how my mother came to be the person that I remembered while growing up was soon solved. This textbook was apparently one she'd used for a home economics class or something along those lines. Reading it was in some ways very entertaining, yet disturbing at the same time. Here are some excerpts:

 In a chapter titled, "To Be or Not To Be", here are some helpful hints listed to help teenagers of the day be "good citizens"....


 At school:
 1. Refrain from purposely doing things to annoy others.
 2. Remember to WALK through the corridors.
3. Don't be rowdy at basketball games.
On the street:
1. Refrain from eating, chewing, or applying makeup.
2. Avoid bumping into people by watching where you are going.
At the movies:
1. Be ready on time.
2. Try to be agreeable to those you are with.
3. Refrain from talking during the show.
At home:
1. Wash the breakfast dishes, and leave the kitchen clean. (For girls only. Boys should ensure the trash is taken out in a timely manner.)
2. Make up your bed and hang up your clothes.
3. Pick up articles for your grandmother when needed, such as yarn or knitting needles.
 Of course, pupils (when was the last time you heard THAT word in reference to school kids??!!) of the day were strongly cautioned not to participate in any of the following annoying habits, for fear of not being a "good citizen".....
1. Filing or nibbling your fingernails in the presence of others.
 2. Scratching your head or body.
3. Putting your fingers in your mouth.
 4. Combing or fixing your hair in public.
5. Slapping a person on the back.
 6. Shrugging your shoulders when asked a question.
7. Telling off-color stories.
 8. Not 'evacuating' on a regular basis, thus having bouts of extreme bodily discomfort resulting in grimacing or wincing, and possibly episodes of flatulance.
Now, if this book were to be written for the high school student of TODAY, I imagine it'd go something like this:
 ....."being a good citizen of the new millineum requires strict adherence to the following rules of etiquette:"
At School:
1. Refrain from purposely shooting down your teachers, administrators, or fellow students in cold blood.
2. While it is considered ill mannered to run through the corridors of school, an exception should be made in the case of machine gun wielding psychotic students determined to slaughter everyone in school.
3. One must remember not to throw garbage at the school mascot while attending any sporting event. One must also refrain from impregnating the head cheerleader under the bleachers at half time.
On the street:
1. Refrain from being rude to your baby's mama/daddy when approaching them on the sidewalk.
2. Avoid bumping into people by watching where you are going, especially when traveling through gang territory.
3. Refrain from throwing your Burger King wrappers onto the bum lying beside the trash can.
At the movies:
 1. It is considered to be in poor taste to open the viewfinder on your video camera while pirating the movie being watched.
 2. Try to be considerate when throwing pop corn and 64 oz sodas at the person in the front row who's talking on their cell phone during the show.
Teenagers of today should also be cautioned against the following bad personal habits:
 1. Suing the principal who impregnated you, your baby's mama, or your sister during final exams.
2. Farting or burping in the face of your little brother or sister while they are eating.
 3. Taking out credit in your parent's name and then maxing out the credit cards.
 4. Trying to outrun the police car behind you with its blue lights flashing.
 5. Not paying your court mandated child support on time.

 Well, that's it for tonight folks!

 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Never put off today what you can trick someone else into doing tomorrow......

I met the face of insanity last week. It came into my store, sought me out, circled around and then dove in for the kill. Insanity called herself Ms. Smith. Insanity, masked as this vile creature, weighs in at approximately 300lbs and has the worse dreadlocks on any white woman I've ever seen. She spoke a mile a minute, asking the stupidest questions in succession as though she were machine gunning me. Riddled with the holes of her questions, I finally sank to the ground...broken, bleeding, pleading for mercy. Finally, my co-worker sacrificed herself for the cause and I was hauled away to the infirmary for treatment.

Today, as I approached the customer service desk, I heard a familiar screech. I froze in my tracks....paralyzed with fear. The sheer terror of the moment made my face turn a frightening shade of pure white. Insanity was BACK!!!

I dropped to the floor and crawled back to the desk, so as not to be detected. As I rounded the corner, I realized that the gods of fate had smiled upon me...Insanity had cornered my co worker and I was to be spared certain doom! I frolicked behind the desk as I saw my co worker wither and die under the fire of Insanity. Yes, it was cruel to watch her face a certain untimely death, but as is the motto at my current workplace, "better her than me!".....

Later, just as my day was winding down, I was to learn that frolicking in the face of another's agony has its price. The phone rang. Foolishly, I answered it. I didn't recognize the voice at first. What a silly, SILLY man I am. By the time that it dawned on me to whom I was speaking, it was too late.

Yes. It was her. INSANITY.

Insanity couldn't understand the abbreviations on her receipt and she wanted me to pull up on my computer a UPC to see what it was. And then another. And another. And another.

I couldn't take it anymore. I asked her just how many UPCs she wanted me to look up. She said that she had 38 more.

I snapped.

I proceeded to tell Insanity that NOWHERE in any job description of any employee of the store did it state that we were to stay on the phone long enough to give out detailed descriptions of UPCs and that if she wasn't bright enough to make an educated guess as to what she had purchased a mere few hours beforehand then she was more than welcome to bring the receipt back to the store when I was not there and someone would decipher it for her. She tried to cut in, but I wasn't finished yet. I went on to tell her that regardless of what she thought, we at the customer service desk had other people to take care of, other aspects of our job to do and that every time she came into the store she succeeded in making our lives miserable with her questions, demands, and aggravations. I explained that we were there to do our job, not translate every micro detail of her receipts and we didn't care whether or not her contractor was ripping her off and that if she felt that he was indeed ripping her off perhaps she shouldn't let him have her platinum card to go shopping with on a weekly basis!

Breathless with my counter machine gunning of Insanity, I paused long enough for her to express her apologies for having taken up so much of my time. She seemed genuinely sympathetic that she'd caused so much confusion and angst among those of us who work at the service desk. She asked if it would be better for her to come in at a time of day when it wasn't so busy so that she could sit down with me and have the UPCs deciphered for her.

I will surely perish an awful, painful, agonizing death for what I did next. I am almost too ashamed to admit my crime. I must though...to cleanse my soul, I MUST confess! I told insanity that she should come first thing Wednesday morning to the customer service desk with receipts in hand and I would be more than happy to sit down with her and investigate all of her concerns. She asked my name.

"Rob", I said. I felt so dirty...so ashamed. So utterly soul-less. I couldn't help myself though. Secretly, I laughed. I jumped for joy inside as I snickered outside.

Rob is a co-worker of mine. We get along great. Until Wednesday morning rolls around. I'm off Wednesday.