Here's something funny I ran across recently:

Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.

Either I'm going nuts, or I'm just REALLY open to subliminal suggestion. Last night just before I went to bed, I was watching tv and this commercial for RLS came on...that's Restless Leg Syndrome for those of you who may not be familiar with the acronym.

So I head off to bed, and what happens? Yep, you guessed it. I was thinking, "Good lord, what NOW?!" And then it occurred to me that apparently the folks who made this commercial were flashing some sort of subliminal message during that commercial....."your legs WANT this syndrome"....

It was truly bizarre.
So my new policy for myself is no more watching of those commercials! Who knows, next time I may end up with symptoms of pregnancy...or irritable bowel syndrome...or PMDD!!

>>>In other news:

>It looks like it's going to be a nice day outside today, so I'm considering giving Christine the Truck a good cleaning. The inside needs a good coat of Armour All....hmmm...come to think of it, maybe that's why she's been such a bitch to me lately...she's dirty and wants to be cleaned up?

>I'm going to be planning a surprise party for my sister's 40th birthday in October. My question is, where in the heck am I supposed to find black balloons?? Moreover, how do I prevent her from getting me BACK when I turn 40 in a couple of years??!!


Well, that's it for now! Hope everyone enjoys their day!

No, this isn't going to be about the soap opera on ABC Daytime.....

>>This afternoon, there was a horrible car crash on Interstate 40, which runs the length of North Carolina...and it's also a major route through the Triangle area here in the central part of the state. A couple of pick up trucks had a collision, resulting in one of the trucks hitting a transfer truck, causing the big rig to crash through the guard rail and end up in oncoming traffic. Four other cars hit the rig, which then exploded. One man ended up dying at the scene. The driver of the transfer truck ended up with severe burns on 60% of his body, and four other people were seriously injured, including a 7 year old child.

>>Two news helicopters out in Arizona collided in mid air while covering a car chase live on TV. Two pilots and two cameramen were killed. The police caught the guy they were chasing, by the way.

>>An awesomely nice lady that I know lost a friend of hers very suddenly. The lady's friend was married to a great guy, and this couple really LIKED each other on top of loving each other. We all know how RARE that is in this day and time.

In all of these instances, life (or at least physical life) was gone in a flash. One minute, these people were alive and well..the next, they were gone. Just like that. No chance to say goodbye to those they loved.

Having gone through the untimely deaths of both my parents, and the loss of my beloved grandmother, I'm unfortunately all too familiar with the concept of grief. Grief sucks ass, let me tell you. However, if there's one thing that I learned after having gone through those losses, it's that every second we've got here is precious.

I hope that all of you out there who read my posts on a regular basis will take a second this evening to just enjoy the fact that you're alive. Let those who you love KNOW that you love them. It takes less than a second for the average human to say the words, "I love you"...yet too often, we can't bring ourselves to say it to those who are the most important to us. Up until just a few years ago, I was one of those who wouldn't dream of saying "I love you" to my family...unless of course something tragic happened within the family.

A few years back, my brother was in a VERY serious motorcycle accident that almost killed him. Not long afterwards, my sister was in a car crash that could have killed HER as well. She walked away from it, thank God, but those two things happening made me make some pretty serious changes.

These days, I make sure that I verbalize how I feel about my brother and sister...as well as everyone else in my life who means anything to me, including my bonehead of a cousin! Being someone who's now TERRIFIED of going through the loss of another family member, I make sure that I tell these people NOW how I feel..not after they're dead and buried.

Because of the things that have happened in my own life, I try my best to live a halfway decent life. It's not always easy to do that mainly because of the fact that I have a tendency to forget just how fragile life really is. I do at least try and recognize when I'm taking things for granted and I find myself just stopping, taking a deep breath, and going on with my business.

So remember folks...appreciate what and WHO you've got because they may not always be around.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Tonight's entry was originally going to be about a family member who's spent the better part of the early evening driving me nuts with his antics, but having gotten a headache from his stupidity, I decided to condense it down somewhat....afterwards I'm going to share a couple of e mails that I got today that I think will get a chuckle or two...

* First of all, the cousin has laid out of work all this week, supposedly due to a hurt shoulder. When he found out that the "hurt shoulder" doesn't qualify for FMLA (Family Medical Leave), which basically excuses him from work, he's suddenly developed Vertigo. He figured that the doctor would just take his word for it and fill out the papers he needs to bring to work.....the doctor (who's filled out this same paperwork NUMEROUS times over the last year or so for various 'ailments') has decided that he needs to SEE for himself that there is indeed a vertigo problem before he just signs off on it this time. So now the cousin is in panic mode..if he doesn't produce the paperwork from the doctor to his employer, the very LEAST that can happen to him is a 14 day suspension from work (unpaid of course!)....or he could get fired altogether. You'd think that this would put him into a preparation mode...you know, preparing for what he's going to do if he ends up losing his job. Nope. Instead, over the last 5 days that he's laid out of work, he's been out looking for a new truck. He found one today...a 2007 Ford F250...for $35,000..which breaks down to around $800/month in payments. His credit is in the shitter, which is why the payment would be so high. If that's not enough, he's going to take out a loan against his boat...the boat is valued at around $20,000 and he's going to borrow $5,000 against it. Did I mention that meanwhile, he's also buying a $10,000 motorcycle?
* Yes, I'm a little more than annoyed. Mainly because there's NOTHING that I can do to shake some sense into his stupid head. Stupid people have always annoyed me, but he REALLY takes the cake.

Ok, now to the funny stuff....I got the following stuff in an e mail from a friend of mine today...I had to laugh out loud at these:



A TRIP TO WALMART

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following.

In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".

In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wonder around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The little old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.

In your 90's:
Stop what you are doing.





Here's the other one.....

> A man and his wife were working in their garden one
> day and the man looks over at his wife and says:
>
> "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is
> bigger than the barbecue."
>
> With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape
> and measured the grill and then went over to where
> his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. Yes, I was right,
> your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
>
> ; The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the
> husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
>
> What's wrong?" he asks.
>
> She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill
> for one little weiner?"

Well, that's it for this evening! I hope everyone has a good night! Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!!

Well, so far this hasn't shaped up to be a banner day for me....

I couldn't get to sleep last night no matter what I tried..I hate when that happens! I was up and down all night last night and by the time the alarm clock went off this morning, I felt like a zombie. You know the feeling when you're so tired and sleepy that you're literally shaking and feel sick to your stomach? Well, that was me this morning...I actually did get ready and head in to work, but once I got there, I knew I couldn't stay. So I ended up bailing today. I hate THAT even worse! I always get paranoid if I have to be out of work for any reason, but ESPECIALLY if I'm still in the dreaded "probationary period"...even though I know they won't fire me for missing one day, I still get paranoid nonetheless!

Naturally, now that I'm at home, and still dead (SICK) tired, I dare not try and go to sleep TOO early because then I'll be right back where I was last night!! GRRRR!!!

In other news:

>>The guy who got squished on his tractor yesterday was on the local news last night and today. How sad. He lived 75 years on this earth and then has to go out like that! I can imagine what it'll be when I meet my demise. It'll surely be some bizarre incident that will involve the following:
>a computer
>rope
>iced tea
>a household pet
Ok, y'all get your minds out of the gutter!! Sheesh!

>>The roomie spent the better part of the morning mowing the neighbor's lawn. I swear this guy is the male version of Mother Theresa! He does so much for everyone else it's unreal. He's a good guy, but sometimes he gets taken for granted. Of course that's why it's a good thing he has ME around...I'm the first to point out to him that he needs to learn how to say "NO" once in a while..unless of course it's something that I want him to do for ME!
Hmm...I'm looking at what I just wrote and I'm thinking maybe a "moonie" smiley wasn't the best choice of emoticons to put after that particular statement!

Ok, well that's enough rambling for now..hope everyone has a good day!

>>>P.S. I've just done another episode on my BlogTV thing...here's the link:

http://www.blogtv.com/Shows/3375