I've posted a few times about the rift that has been between my brother and my cousin. The Reader's Digest version is that my cousin doesn't like my brother's new wife, so he skipped the wedding back in January. They haven't spoke since then, and life was somewhat normal until a few days ago when it all came to a head. Even though I'd explicitly told them BOTH to keep ME out of it, I still found myself right in the middle of the conflict...a situation I was NOT happy about. On the one hand, my brother is my brother no matter what. Of course the cousin may as well be a brother because we've always been exceptionally close. Yeah, tough situation huh? The last time I'd heard anything about the ordeal was when my cousin sent my brother a very mean email.

Imagine my surprise when I'm talking to my brother on the telephone and he just casually mentions that the cousin may be coming over for a cookout that had been planned for today!

Don't get me wrong, I'm VERY VERY glad that they worked things out...HOWEVER...if I'm constantly being dragged in to the fight itself, why then can I not expect to be told that the war is over??!!

--------> Other News:

............>I may possibly get to spend a whole day with my nephew Eli in a couple of weeks! My sister and brother in law are going to some bluegrass festival (yes..my sister is Ellie Mae Clampett and my brother in law is Bo Duke!) and it's going to be an all day event. Now, that in itself is both exciting and scary as hell! On the one hand, I LOVE LOVE LOVE being with my nephew and I love the times that we get to spend together. On the OTHER hand though, I've NEVER babysat him more than just a couple of hours at a time, so I'm HOPING that the child will still be in one piece at the end of the day!!!

.............>Speaking of my brother in law...he's planning a surprise party for my sister's 40th birthday and I am so RELIEVED!! My sister in law had asked me several weeks ago to help HER plan one, but I was admittedly pretty apprehensive about the whole deal. The idea was to have the party at a local Pizza Inn, which wouldn't be bad if my sister was turning 12!! Besides, the pizza place doesn't have a room big enough for the party! So at any rate, I'd talked to my brother and told him to put the bug in his wife's ear that we needed something a little bigger and a little classier...I even offered to host it at my house! Anyway, the sister in law was in agreement with what I said and I was SO relieved. The euphoric feeling didn't last long though because the NEW choice was Golden Corral. (Golden Corral is a steak house with a HUGE buffet) I wouldn't have a problem with that except for the fact that the food isn't all that good AND the Golden Corral restaurants in this area are pretty run down looking. I remember working there very briefly several years go and almost having a heart attack when I see this huge furry green BLOB underneath a table in the kitchen area. If that wasn't bad enough, when a steak fell onto the floor, the cook would simply pick it up and throw it back on the grill!! Oh, and the boss of the place was a complete DICK. SOOO...now I don't have to worry about anything except making sure that I show up!!

........>I'm DREADING next week! I start in my new function on Monday and I am SO not ready to fly solo yet!! That's only compounded by the fact that I'm out of the office for training on Tuesday and half a day on Wednesday, PLUS I'm off next Friday! That leaves me VERY little time to get ANYTHING accomplished! Thank God I can milk the whole "new kid on the block" for a few more months thereby eliminating any chances of getting yelled at!!

Well, that's about all for tonight! Hope everyone has a good weekend...what's left of it anyway!

I got a pretty cute email today:

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere,
> > the following people are stranded:
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Two Italian men and one Italian woman.
> >>
> >> Two French men and one French woman.
> >>
> >> Two German men and one German woman.
> >>
> >> Two Greek men and one Greek woman.
> >>
> >> Two British men and one British woman.
> >>
> >> Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman.
> >>
> >> Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman.
> >>
> >> Two Vietnamese men and one Vietnamese woman.
> >>
> >> Two Irish men and one Irish woman.
> >>
> >> Two American men and one American woman.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> One month later, on these absolutely stunning desert islands in the
> >>
> >> middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> The two French men and the French woman are living happily
> >> together in a ménage a trois.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating
> >> visits with the German woman.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> The two Greek men are sleeping together and the Greek woman is
> >> cooking and cleaning for them.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> The two British men are waiting for someone to introduce them to
> >> the British woman.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and
> >> started swimming to another island.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> The two Vietnamese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store,
> >> restaurant, and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order
> >> to supply employees for their stores.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and
> >> setup a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because
> >> it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However,
> >> they're satisfied because the English aren't having any fun.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the
> >> American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her
> >> body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin,
> >> how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment,
> >> the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make
> >> her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and
> >> treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her
> >> mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they
> >> bring a cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all
> >> rescued off this Godforsaken deserted island in the middle of
> >> nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping.

In OTHER news:

---> Am I the only person who thinks that school buses should NOT be allowed on major highways and interstates??!! Seriously..if you're in a vehicle that can ONLY do 40 MPH, you have NO business on a roadway that has a speed limit of 65 MPH. A school bus caused a major traffic jam on the highway that I take to work. LUCKILY my exit was JUST before where the traffic had come to a screeching halt for that damn bus!

---> My first full week of being a regular employee at my company has been a hectic one to say the least! I've been juggling doing my regular job with training for my new function, which is NOT an easy task! Of course I still have yet to get entered into the time keeping system at work..apparently I'm going to have to stick a firecracker under my supervisor to get him off his ass! Other than that, everything is going pretty good.

Well, that's about it for tonight. I've got some blog lurking to do..hope everyone has a great Friday tomorrow!!

I've had some less than great experiences at my new job..most of those things are a result of two things:

1) I was a lowly "temp" and therefore treated like a second class citizen by the "regular" employees

2) The place is overall pretty awesome, but they're VERY disorganized in a lot of different areas. Disorganization is a pet peeve of mine, especially if it has an adverse effect on ME!

Now, while the idea of actively looking for another job during the rough patches was never really a SERIOUS option, I can safely say that I'm glad now that I didn't give it any serious thought. I'd have been the world's biggest MORON if I had left this company I'm working for!! I'll explain:

The last position that I had in this field was for a GIGANTIC retail chain. Every year about this time, we'd have our 'annual enrollment' for benefits. Each year we'd have the same presentation by the bubble headed blond girl whos brains were all in her boobs. She'd come in with a big smile and jiggling boobies and announce how "EXCITED" she was about our benefits for that year!! ....the last year I was there, she explained in an overly perky voice that our cost had gone up "slightly" because of the fact that the insurance companies had to find SOMEWAY to pay for their advertising.

Poor Boobzilla realized too late that I was in the audience and got a look of terror on her face when she saw me stand up. Yes. It was ON!! I proceeded to tell her that it was really just stupid for her to stand there and feed us some line of shit. The fact of the matter was that the company just didn't want to absorb ANY of the cost of our benefits and that they should just SAY so instead of insulting our intelligence with crock of shit like that! She'd also been trying to force this "FSA" program..where you put money into an account every paycheck for medical expenses. Boobzilla started to shake when I asked her, "so if we don't use all the money by the end of the year, where does the unused money go...?" She stuttered a little bit before she finally said, "I don't know..I'll have to check on that for you..."

I've got news for you folks out there with any kind of "FSA" program...if you don't use that money by the end of the year, it doesn't go back to you, but in fact goes to the COMPANY! Yep..YOUR money that YOU earned goes back into the company. Yes, I told Boobzilla this...she wasn't happy.

So having said all of that, I was quite apprehensive about the benefits package at the company I work for now. I'd heard the benefits were good, but you know how that goes. I figured it'd be some rip off like at my last office job. I was WRONG!

I got the email today that it's time to enroll in my benefits since I was now a regular employee of the company. So this evening, I sat down and started looking over everything and almost had a stroke! Check this shit out:

>>Medical coverage: $21 per paycheck/$42 per month; $15 copay and 90% coverage after copay is met

>>Dental: FREE!! $10 copay with 90% coverage on most everything and 60% on COSMETIC treatments INCLUDING implants!!

>>Short Term Disability: FREE!! 66 2/3% of pay

>>Long Term Disability: $1.98 per paycheck/$4.00 per month; 66 2/3% of pay

>>Life Insurance: $1.86 per paycheck/$3.72 per month; 2 times annual pay

>>Supplemental Life: $1.86 per paycheck/$3.72 per month; 2 times annual pay

>>Personal Accident Insurance: 22c per paycheck/44c per month; 1 times annual pay

Total cost for all of these benefits: $20.29 per paycheck/$40.58 per month

AWESOME HUH??

Suffice it to say that the minor aggravations have been WELL worth it!!

Well, that's it for now. Only TWO more days till the weekend!!

"I love my job", "I love my job", "I love my job".......

.....at least that's what I had to keep telling myself all day! It wasn't a necessarily BAD day, but it had its moments! It started out when I had to call this doctor to let him know I was waiting for a callback from the repairman...it's a courtesy that my company provides for its customers...ok, actually, it's REQUIRED that every customer gets a callback letting them know where they stand in getting their equipment repaired. Run of the mill procedure..no biggie.

So I get this doctor on the phone whose greeting is, "Yeah". I told him who I was and where I was calling from and I let him know I was waiting for the repairman to call me back. WELL...this doctor proceeded to rake me over the coals, telling me how everytime that he has a phone call he has to leave his patients and that just wasn't acceptable. Now, if he'd stopped there, I'd have just gone on with my day.

Does anyone out there reading this think that the good doctor stopped there? Those of you who guessed "NO" get a kudo! Those who guessed "YES" should leave now because you clearly don't know me! Anyway, Dr. Shithead continues on:

Dr: "How would you like it if I were your doctor and I had to keep leaving you in the exam room while I answered insignificant phone calls from everyone?"

Me: "I understand how you feel, but I'm required to call the customer to update....." (he cuts me off before I could finish)

Dr: "No, I don't think you DO understand..I'm a very busy person who doesn't have time for trivial things."

Me: "As I was saying, I'm required to call every customer to update them on the status of their service request..which is a courtesy provided by this company. If you don't wish to have anyone here call you, please have that put into your next contract with the company. And by the way, to answer your first question..if you're as rude to your patients as you are your equipment providers, YOU wouldn't be MY doctor!"

Anyone care to take a guess what happened next? Yep. The bastard hung up on me before I could hang up on him! Damnit!

Other Stuff:

>>Well, it looks like the war is on between my brother and my cousin. They've not been speaking for over 8 months now. Long story short..when my brother got married back in January, the cousin told my brother that he couldn't come to the wedding because he had to work. My brother understood, but was still a little bummed about it. So it turns out that the cousin didn't actually work at all that day..he played golf all day and just blew the wedding off altogether. Apparently he's not too fond of my sister-in-law and just didn't want to go. My brother finds this out and it's been back and forth between them for the last few days. Naturally, the knuckleheads are trying like hell to bring ME right into the middle of the situation!! I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to have to pull out the big guns and tell them both to grow up and leave me the hell out of it! We'll see what happens though.

>>Today was my first official day as a regular employee for my company! I'm sorry to say that the momentus occasion wasn't acknowledged by anyone. DRATS! Oh well..at least I don't have to worry about that stupid agency anymore!

>>On a sad..no..devastating note. My roomie's dad has been undergoing cancer treatment for the last couple of years..it's a rare form of skin cancer that only 1 in every 800,000 people ever get. Everything has been going along pretty good since he was diagnosed, mainly because they caught it early. Or so we thought. He gets a call the other day from his doctor's office, letting him know he's got an appointment with a hemotologist who specializes in treatment of malignant cancers. Translation: there's a better than good chance that the cancer is now in his blood..which of course means that it's more than likely going to spread. Folks..as bad as I'm taking the news that my neighbor Kevin is going to be dead soon, it's NOTHING compared to how I'm feeling about the roomie's dad. This man has been more of a father to me in the last 8 years than my OWN dad was for the first 22 years of my life!

............
Well, that's about it for tonight! Time to go and get some grub before I turn anorexic!

I'm going to pose a few questions for those of you who live above the state of Virginia that have relatives who moved from up there to down here (the Tar Heel state) ....and I know you ALL have relatives who have done this, because 80% of the populations of New York, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rhode Island have flocked to North Carolina during the last decade! Anyway, here are my questions:

1) Why did your people move down here and not bring a map with them? Is the assumption that North Carolina has only Interstates 95 & 40 and US 1? Or do they just enjoy clogging up the main routes around a city?

2) Why do your land developers from up there insist on giving subdivisions names like "The Bluffs on Paddington Creek at Swan's Landing on the Green"?

3) Why do your people insist on building their houses 3 feet apart and then not have any communication with their neighbors except when someone leaves their trash can at the curb overnight or have a yard gnome that's against HOA rules?

4) Do your Driver's Education courses up there teach that it IS possible to drive on an icy road in the South at 65 MPH?

5) Why do your people come down here raving about the beauty and charm of an old farm house, buy it, tear it down, and replace it with a Colonial or worse yet...a Craftsman style house??

Now, don't anyone hop onto a Bry-bashing bandwagon because I'm immune to accusations of prejudice...I'm half Yankee myself! So HA! I think these are legitimate questions though! After seeing something the other day, I just had to pose the inquiries, though.....

I was driving through Cary, NC (Cary stands for "Containment Area for Relocated Yankees! ) when I drove past yet another area that was once a field being turned into a strip mall and saw a sign that read "Caution...Creek Restoration in Effect".....

Now, this is where it gets just ridiculous. The area that was being "restored" never HAD a creek. Before it was an empty field, it was a tobacco farm. Of course even if I hadn't already known that, the presence of the backhoe digging into the ground might have been an indication that something just wasn't ringing true about this "restoration" effort.

Ok, on to something else now.....

If the residents of Arizona have noticed lately that there seems to be a chill in the air and the presence of a black cloud of doom hovering in the skies, it's my sad duty to inform you that a rather disastrous event has occurred in your fine state. It seems that my wicked aunt from Wisconsin has permanently set up residence in Arizona!

I was informed earlier this week that she'd packed up her belongings onto the back of her broomstick and flew off into the direction of the desert skies. Strangely enough, once she was gone, the city of Kenosha, Wisconsin had the sunniest day they'd had in almost 60 years! My thoughts and prayers are with those of you who may come into contact with her, because you'll never be the same again. If her icy stare doesn't turn you into stone, her self absorbed stories of surviving alcoholism will! Your only chance for survival is to run as fast and as hard as you can if you see her coming...don't try to be a hero...save yourself and your loved ones while you can! Dropping a house on her doesn't work either...three former husbands have tried..and failed.

So that's it for now....I'm going to go now and enjoy a horrible movie on Starz!