Even though I've only actually WORKED three days this week, it feels more like SEVEN days!! I hate when a week goes by that slowly!!

One of the reasons that I've been wanting to hurry up and get this week over with is a colleague of mine. I may have mentioned him a while back...no, not Joe. Annoying as Joe can be, he's got NOTHING on this dude named (I'll call him John)....

It started about my second day at this job. He was new too and struck up a conversation with me. He seemed nice enough at first...a bit on the "DUH" side, but nice nonetheless. For those first few weeks, he and I would talk every now and then but not usually anything in depth. When our training class started he sat next to me..which was ok because at least it was someone that I sort of new.

A couple of days into the class, John starts telling me that the class was a joke and that he wished he was anywhere but there. I just laughed it off and went on about my business. As the days rolled by I started to see that John was a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic basket, so I tried to keep my distance. One day he asks me if I want to go to lunch with him and I accepted even though I wasn't thrilled about the prospect of listening to him bitch all through lunch. Much as I'd suspected, he spent the entire lunch hour doing just that.

I'd vowed that if God was gracious enough to help me survive that lunch that I'd never eat lunch with him again. Famous last words, I know. Anyway, the next day he asks me to eat with him again, but I said I had other plans. He didn't seem to take that very well indicated by his balling up a fist and shaking it at me. From that day on, it was the same old shit...he'd bug the crap out of me to have lunch with him. If that wasn't bad enough, he'd follow me and another guy out to the smoking area...even though HE doesn't smoke.

After we FINALLY finished up with the class, life went back to normal for me because John had a shift that brought him in a couple of hours after me, meaning that his lunch would also be different. Trust me, I was thankful for that. Yeah, he'd still come circling around my desk, but at least it was only a couple of minutes. That I could live with.

Well, today he comes over to my desk and announces that he's SO happy because he'd just found out that his shift was being changed...to the exact same hours that I have!!! To celebrate, he of course wanted me to go to lunch with him. Good Lord..can't I ever get a break??!! Finally he wore me down and I said yes. BIG mistake.

After almost running over two squirrels before we ever got out of the parking lot, he told me we were going to Chik-fil-A for lunch. I was fine with that because I didn't have much money anyway. So we get over there and the place is PACKED, so he decides that we'll go to Bojangle's. I hate Bojangle's. It's nasty and having worked there VERY briefly, I've steered clear of that chain for good reason.

Now even worse than the fact that we were headed to Bojangle's was the fact that it was 10 miles away!! We only get an hour for lunch and we'd already wasted 15 minutes in travel time. So I wolf down my food, WHICH, by the way, is NOT a good thing to do when you've had gastric bypass surgery. Naturally, the topic of conversation was about work, the people there, and the company as a whole.

On the way back to the office, I found myself holding on for dear life as he sped down the highway..almost hitting another car AND a truck! When we turned into the office complex, he was going so fast that we went up ONTO the curb and then crashed back down. I thought I was done for!!

After kissing the ground when we finally stopped, I all but ran back into the office and asked the lady who sits beside me, "PLEASE won't you just SHOOT me??!!"

This is my new plan: I'm going to tell him that I'm not really Bryan at all, but rather his twin brother Ralph.

Think it'll work?

Yes, my little kiddies! It is almost October, and you KNOW what that means!!! Before long, the little ghosts, goblins, and ghouls will be arriving at your doorstep looking for treats....of course, these treats will need to be prepackaged with no signs of tampering, preferably made with no saturated fats, manufactured in a country that does not promote the abuse of child labor, and made from all natural ingredients.

So, it occurred to me this evening that I'd jumped the gun a bit on my blog's theme...I'd skipped right over one of my favorite holidays...Halloween!! That lapse in judgment has now been corrected, as you can see. I also did something extremely RARE: I actually REMEMBERED to increase the font for those of you out there who have said my previous fonts were a bit on the light and/or small side. Ok, ok, so I admit it...I was having to squint a bit myself of late. Sue me.

Halloween just isn't what it used to be though. Back when I was a kid in the mid to late 1970s, we thought nothing of putting on our costumes, grabbing the biggest pillow case we could find, and hitting every house in our zip code to cash in on the free candy! By the time Angie (my sister), Kenny (my brother), and I called it a night, we'd literally be dragging the pillow cases stuffed with candy behind us! I remember one year in particular that the three of us went with my mom's best friend and her kids to Trick or Treat. I lived in Siler City, North Carolina at the time, and our most famous resident was Frances Bavier...she played Aunt Bee on The Andy Griffith Show and had retired to Siler City when she got out of show business. Anyway, the six of us go up to her house and ring the bell. We figured that since this chick was famous we were bound to get a haul! The door opened up and there stood Ms. Bavier's butler...a tall, thin, black guy who sort of resembled Lurch from the Addams Family. Now, I want you to know something....Aunt Bee may have been a kindly old lady to Opie and Andy, but she wasn't all that nice to US. The BIOTCH didn't even have any candy!!! As we headed back to my mom's car feeling a bit defeated, my friend Eric (who was only about 7 at the time) blurts out, "Hey..was that Andy Griffith who answered the door??!"

Alas, children of today know not the fun that Halloween can be! These days kids can't just go to every house in the neighborhood for fear that they will be kidnapped and molested. They can't indulge in the homemade treats such as brownies or cookies because they could be poisoned or laced with heroin. Their choice of costumes are even limited now for fear that they'll get sued if they wear a costume that offends someone.

Don't get me wrong...we had our fears back in the day as well. The trick back then was for evil people to put razor blades in an apple or anything else that would accommodate one. The cure for that though was for mom to cut the apple before we ate it, or cut into the brownies or cookies, etc etc. In all the years I went trick or treating though I never ONCE recall any razor blades or any other foreign objects being found in my candy!

Now, for other news:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>Kevin is still holding his own. I said it before and I'll say it again..he's literally a walking MIRACLE. What really has me on edge is the fact that his liver has started to shut down..a fact that is evident by the tremendous amount of swelling he's got going on in his abdomen. I'm afraid that his still fighting so hard is going to mean a pretty painful death when it happens. You all know what function the liver serves in the body...to filter out toxins in the body. Obviously if it's not doing that anymore then you're pretty well being poisoned by your own body. I've done some reading up on liver failure, and it's not a pretty sight folks. One scenario that COULD happen is that the liver swells so much that eventually it will burst. Now, you want to talk about OH MY GOD!!! When my uncle was dying a couple of years back his liver burst. The nurse who was in his room at the time said that she heard a very distinct "POP" and then his vitals went crazy. LUCKILY, he was in a coma at the time, so hopefully he didn't feel anything...especially considering the fact that once it happened, he held on for another several hours before he actually died!! So I'm praying really hard that something like that doesn't happen to Kevin!!

>>I had an extremely EASY day at work today....I had this class to go to that took all day! Now, while the material was BORING, at least it gave me a break from the rat race of the office for a bit. The class started at 8:30am and we actually were let out at 3:30pm....and still get paid for a whole 8 hours! Cool, huh??!! Yeah, I really like my employer!!

Well, that's about it for tonight! Hope everyone has a good night!

My day didn't go very well at all.

I got up this morning not feeling all that great, but I got ready for work anyway and headed out the door. I got about three miles down the road when all of a sudden my cell phone rings:

Me: Hello?

Caller: Is this Bryan?

Me: Yes, it is..how can I help you?

Caller: Well, this is your large intestine calling and we've got a problem. I've been hearing some strange gurgling coming from the basement and I'm afraid it's about to blow. I think you'd better turn around and come on home.

Now, naturally, I was more than just a little bit mystified about the conversation. After all, it's not often that your innards call on the cell phone first thing in the morning! Of course, I had to trust what the large intestine said...even though he's let me down quite a bit in the past, we have over the last couple of years developed a better understanding of each other.

So, I practically spun my truck around in the road and started in the direction of home. As I'm flying down the road, my cell phone rings again!

Me: Hello?

Caller: Hey Bry...this is your large intestine again. I do hate to bother you, but is it safe to open the drain so we can get rid of this junk down here? It's really starting to pile up, and if I may be so bold, it's not smelling all that great either!!

Me: Can you give me just a FEW more minutes?? I'm on the road now heading back home!

Caller: I suppose so, but you'd better hurry...I don't know how much longer I can wait!!

At that, I floored it. Christine the Truck MUST have known what was going on, and to avoid anything getting on her seats, she actually kicked into passing gear which gave me a boost of power!

I was doing at least 45MPH when I made the turn onto my street....I flew down the street and turned into my driveway. Chris had apparently heard my entrance to the subdivision because he was standing at the door when I pulled up. I ran past him and straight into the can....I made it JUST in the nick of time!!


What felt like a couple of hours later, I emerged from the bathroom and decided that I'd better call work and let them know that I wasn't coming in. Luckily, I got my supervisor's voice mail because I REALLY didn't want to have to explain my sad story to him!! Of course, I spent the rest of the day worrying whether or not he got the message, but when no one called looking for me, I figured that he had gotten it.

During my adventure today, I discovered something: Immodium AD and allergy tablets don't mix well. Apparently they BOTH have ingredients that will make you VERY sleepy! So I ended up falling asleep on the couch for about two hours this afternoon. That's not a good thing because when I nap during the day, I have a VERY hard time sleeping at night. Luckily though I do have some Excedrin PM to help with that this evening.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Update: My neighbor Kevin is a walking miracle. He actually woke up today and managed to get out of his recliner for a little bit today. Now, that little bit was only a few minutes or so, but truthfully I'm amazed that he could even do it!

Well, that's about it for now! Hope everyone has a good week!

Alright, I **PROMISED** that I'd have a much more upbeat post this evening, and I do intend to keep that promise. However, I do have some awful news to report, but I'm going to put that last. Those of you who aren't feeling up to being brought down may choose to skip that part of the entry. So here goes:

THE GOOD
>>>>>>>>>
I'm feeling SO much more confident about my work lately. I have FINALLY gotten the hang of things for the most part. Of course, that is due largely in part to my own investigating to answer many of my own questions about the job! Hey, I'll take it though! I will have to say that while my supervisor at work is awesome most of the time, I have learned that in order to get him to remember things that I've asked him to do or things I've asked him to get for me! Oh well..it may be a pain in the butt, but at least he and I get along really well. Which brings me to a little 'post within a post' topic:

===============BryM's Former Bosses===================
(for the last few years anyway!)

>>The Airline Asshole: When I worked for an airline, I had several different supervisors, all of whom had their own unique faults. The first one, Kim, thought we were in the military and treated us as such. The next one was a guy named Bobby. Bobby was a closet cross dressing manic depressive...on top of being an idiot. Last was Sue..she was a drunk. I had a meeting with her once and while I was sitting in her office, she opened her bottom desk drawer to reveal a bottle of Jack Daniels. Did I blackmail her with that little tidbit of info? DUH! Of COURSE I did! I'm not STUPID!!

>>Jack the Jerkoff: It was my misfortune to have this jerk for all but the last three months of my time at the "Office From Hell". In his defense, he REALLY tried at times to get along with me. Admittedly, I also tried my hardest to get along with him at times, but it just NEVER worked for some reason. I think it had more to do with the fact that it annoyed the shit out of him that all of the guys out in the field that I was in charge of absolutely LOVED me and hated everyone else in the office! I was damn good at what I did and he hated that about me.

>>Terry the TWAT, and Alan the Asswipe: Terry was my 'training manager' at the pizza restaurant. Alan was VP of the company..he was the one who initially hired me and the one I would have reported to had I not been shit canned. Anyway, Terry is one of those guys who thinks that just because HE wanted to work 18 hours a day that everyone ELSE should too, ESPECIALLY managers! Terry is the kind of guy who will look you square in the eye and outright LIE. I remember one day he told me that there was a time in his career when being a manager at any of the restaurants in the chain was a very "ELITE" thing that people were impressed by. Yeah, dude. Whatever you say. Anyway, he got more than a little miffed when I laughed at him! Hey, what can I say?? I thought he was kidding!
Alan is a small, beady-eyed sack of shit that thought his position at the company struck fear into all of the 'little people'!! He grew to hate me during my tenure there for various reasons, but the one thing he hated MOST was the fact that I didn't bow at his feet when he walked into the building! Why should I have? He puts his pants on one leg at a time just like I do...although I suspect he's wearing pantyhose under HIS pants!!

>>Denny the Dipshit: I worked as a 'manager' at a steak house VERY briefly before going to the airline. Denny had been hired as General Manager a couple of weeks after I started my 'manager' job, which was nothing more than a glorified cook. Anyway, Denny had been a dick from the first day I met him. I asked him a question one night about how long a particular item needed to stay in the oven. He looks at me, holds out his arm and asks me, "Look at my watch very closely. I'd suggest you buy one of your own so that you'll KNOW how long to have that in the oven." That was followed by a moment of silence and then he asked me, 'now...what time does my watch say?' I looked at his watch and then I looked at him and said, "it says that it's time for me to tell you to kiss my ass and walk out the door!" That's exactly what I did.

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Now the bad stuff:

My neighbor Kevin (the one who's dying) had been doing really well lately. To look at him the last few weeks you'd have never known that he was dying. He would go out in the yard, do a bit of fixer upper stuff in his shop, and has even been riding his motorcycle!! Just last week, his doctor did something RARELY done anymore...he made a house call to see how Kevin was doing. He was AMAZED at how well Kevin looked..especially for someone who'd been told he only had a few weeks at best to live. So he tells Kevin that it looked like he potentially SHOULD be around until Christmas at the very least. Needless to say, those of us who love him were ELATED!!

There's an old saying that goes 'what a difference a day makes'...well in THIS case, it's 'what a difference a week makes' ......I'll explain:

>>>This past Friday, he was fine. I saw him out in the yard several times that day...granted, he was walking really slow and didn't have a lot of energy, but he's been like that for the last 3 1/2 years now, so it wasn't anything unusual.

>>>Saturday, he and his wife Cindy did a bit of yardwork and then went to a cookout for about an hour. After they got home, a couple of Kevin's Harley buddies stopped by and Kevin went riding with them for an hour or so. That night, he went to bed a little early because he felt pretty drained from all of the activity.

>>>Sunday rolls around and Kevin wakes up, but can only stay awake no longer than about 5 minutes at a time. Cindy then noticed that Kevin's legs and feet were severely swollen so she called the Hospice nurse and tells her what's going on. The nurse tells her to keep a heating pad under his legs and feet and that she'd be over Monday.

>>>Today, Kevin doesn't even get out of the recliner that he's been in since Sunday. The nurse comes over and examines Kevin and gets a distressed look on her face. She calls the doctor and has him call in a prescription for liquid morphine....the nurse then hands the phone to Cindy and heads out to pick up the morphine. The doctor tells Cindy that Kevin is going into liver failure. He said that he'd known all along that this was going to happen at the end, but that he hadn't expected it to happen so quickly. Then he told Cindy that she'd better go ahead and brace herself because Kevin will go at anytime now. So now, instead of it being a matter or months, BEST case scenario would be a day or so.

I'd like to ask all of you out there who read my blog on a regular basis to please take a minute and say a prayer for Kevin. Please pray that if he must go that it's quickly and without any pain. After the amazing fight he's put up the last 3 1/2 year, he at the very least deserves that.

I promise I'll keep you all posted on things as they happen.

Yuck...Monday morning! This is a quick one because I've only got a few minutes before it's time to head off to work.

I pulled down my post from yesterday. It was just a bit too intense for me to keep up any length of time. Anyone who read it can probably understand what I'm saying.

Anyway, I'll be back this evening with a MUCH more cheerful entry! Those of you who have to work today..have a good one! Those of you who are fortunate enough to NOT have to work today: BOOOOOOO!!!!