Technology is a wonderful thing...when it works.
No one knows that better than me, especially after the last several weeks of my internet dilemmas.
I *THOUGHT* that I'd have rid myself of the horrible entity known as Embarq by now, but alas...it's not meant to be. During the height of the whole internet saga, I'd arranged to have internet service through the cable company. Long story short...the guy came out, installed all the stuff, and got no signal. Oh, and he locked his keys in his truck. Aside from the fact that he was a Goober, I was understanding. I was even understanding when I called a few days later to find out that the order had been cancelled. So I re-ordered the installation and waited again. When I called to find out the status of my order, ONCE AGAIN--not only was my order not created, BUT I had to deal with a guy who was about as intelligent as a loaf of bread. Maybe not even THAT smart! I was a little less patient that time, but STILL more patient that I would normally be under the same circumstances.
WELL......
The cable company blew it today, resulting in my going off like a bottle rocket. Here's the condensed version (I'm pooped & ready for bed, but I had to vent):
---> Chris was off today, so it worked out good that the appointment was for today. The tech (the same dipshit who locked his keys in his truck) calls at 9am and says "I've talked to my manager about the signal issue, and when I hear back from him, I'll head out that way--it'll be around 1pm." Never mind the appointment was SUPPOSED to be before NOON. But since he had nowhere to go today, Chris was ok with that.
1pm rolls around...no tech, no phone call. 2pm, 3pm, 4pm....no tech, no phone call. 4:45pm Chris goes to his mom's house for dinner. I get home at 6:10pm and check the caller ID...no phone call from the tech since the one this morning.
I call the cable company. I get "Mindy Lou" on the line....I tell her as calmly as possible that I wanted to know what had happened to the guy THIS time. She very CURTLY tells me, "he reported that he tried SEVERAL times to call and got no one, so he's rescheduled your appointment for March 13th."
"EXCUSE ME??!!"
It wasn't so much WHAT she said as HOW she said it that sent me over the edge. Before I blasted her into orbit though, I double checked the caller ID....JUST to be sure. Nope...no calls from him since the first one.
I let poor little Mindy Lou have it with both barrels. Once I had sufficiently destroyed her, she asked if she could connect me with the "retention department".
"OH--by ALL MEANS---please DO connect me with someone who thinks they are going to 'HANDLE' me....."
That's when "Brutus" comes on the line. Clearly, this is the guy who gets the irate male callers--having worked in a call center at an airline, I'm familiar with how it works. A deep voice is supposed to intimidate an irate caller. Unfortunately for Brutus, my voice is not only deeper--but I'm also well versed in how NOT to be "handled".
After I light a fire under HIM, he asks me, "do you REALLY want to cancel the order, or would you be satisfied with a guarantee that someone can come out, get the job done, get it done quickly, and get it done correctly?"
Yes, he REALLY asked me that.
"First of all, the time to ASSUME that a new customer wants something done quickly & correctly is BEFORE you've jerked them around for three weeks! Secondly, what I EXPECT you to do is get one of your little boneheaded technicians to get into their truck, drive over here, unhook the cable from the pole in my yard, then bundle this cable up that is laying on top of my azaela bushes, running through my back yard into the box attached to my house and running into the hole drilled in my floor, and then put it into his truck and drive away, and NEVER darken my doorstep again....that is IF you can find someone capable of accomplishing this WITHOUT locking his keys in his truck!!"
Now...
GET THIS:
When I called in the order three weeks ago, the SOONEST that anyone could come out for an install was four days later. When the guy came out and couldn't get a signal, it was a total of about a week (between his estimate & the first airhead I spoke to) before anyone could come out to check the problem.
So how long will it be before they come and get their shit out of my yard & off my house?
"We'll have someone there between 3pm & 5pm tomorrow."
SO......
Today's lessons are:
1) Embarq (formerly Sprint) is a shitty telephone company & an even worse internet service provider. If you live anywhere in their service area, I highly recommend alternate sources of phone & internet service, such as DirecWay.
2) Charter Communications (aka Charter Cable) is staffed with people who are about as useful as a rash on a whore's ass. Actually, I shouldn't insult all the hard working whores out there by comparing them to Charter employees. In actuality, they're all just retarded. Oh wait...I most definitely don't want to insult retarded people either.....Just suffice it to say that you really REALLY don't want to have to deal with these people unless you have a talent such as mine...being able to morph from an easy going guy to a complete bastard in less than 1 nanosecond. Yes, I am available for hire should anyone need this service.
And with that.....
I bid you all a good night!
NOTE THAT SAMMY IS TRYING HIS BEST TO GET BEHIND SARA TO FIND THE BALL!
FOR AN HOUR ALL YOU SAW OF POOR SAMMY WAS HIS ASS STICKING STRAIGHT UP IN THE AIR FROM BEHIND SARA! 
