November 4, 1926 there entered into this world a little baby girl who
would never be known for her stunning beauty. She'd never be known for
being a pioneer in the women's liberation movement. She wouldn't win an
Oscar or an Emmy award for her amazing acting talent. In fact, this
little baby girl would never win the adoration of the masses for
anything.
She would have a fairly happy childhood...the oldest of 4 children, she
would portray the typical eldest sibling--bossing her two younger
brothers and sister around, and not above using her piercing glare to
keep them in line when needbe. At the age of 15, she would do as many
young ladies of the day did and marry a fairly well-off man that was
somewhat older than she. She would in three years bear him his first
son, and two years after that another son. This young wife & mother
would over the next several years discover that life wasn't always an
easy task for her to manage. Not only was she raising two very
rambunctious boys, but also helped run the grocery store/gas station
that her husband had opened. Unfortunately, along with a hectic
lifestyle she also had to deal with her husband's alcoholism, which had
over the years rendered him not only incapable of managing the store
very well, but had also turned him into a very unpleasant person--a
physically abusive person. Women of her day were brought up to
"tolerate" such things--when you married, you were then the posession
of your husband. Period. So she dealt with the physical and emotional
abuse. Until the night that she came home from the store to find her
husband punching her eldest son in the stomach. "It's to toughen him
up!" he'd said. The next day, this young woman packed her two children
and herself up and left. She went to her father's home and vowed not to
ever go back to her husband. At first, her father was a bit
upset--until he learned that his grandson had been beaten. His next
move was to hire a lawyer and ensure that his daughter nor his
grandsons ever had to put up with that kind of treatment again.
This young woman spent the next couple of years struggling. Her boys
were her life, and she was determined that she would not deny them the
lifestyle they'd known up until then just because she'd divorced their
father. Though divorce was by this time almost as common as marriage,
the area that she lived in was still a bit behind the times--leaving
her somewhat of a pariah in the community. She didn't care though. She
had done what was needed to give her boys a loving, safe, and stable
home. Her father had moved in with her to help with the boys while she
went to work at a local factory. As the boys grew older, this lady
ventured back into the dating world. At first, the dates were few and
far between because she was very "gun shy" as the saying goes.
Eventually, she would team up with Lena Mae (a distant cousin, also
divorced) and head to the Offier's Club at Fort Bragg, which was about
20 miles from their community.
It was at the Offier's Club that the lady would meet a very good
looking young Master Sergeant named Jim. Though he was 7 years her
junior, Jim was immediately smitten and it would be only a year later
that they would marry. With her oldest boy now grown and out on his own
and the other almost out of high school, this lady would soon learn
that being the wife of a military officer would come with a lot of
things she hadn't counted on in the beginning. With the Vietnam war now
raging, she was horrified to learn that her eldest son had enlisted in
the Air Force and volunteered for duty in Vietnam--so that the younger
would not be drafted for duty overseas. That same month, her youngest
son (now graduated from high school the previous spring) was drafted
into the Army, and her new husband was given orders for Germany! It was
almost too much to bear at first--one son headed for the war zone, the
other drafted, and news of moving overseas. Not one to let life get her
down though, she decided that she was going to tighten her belt, hold
her head high, and accept the cards life had dealt to her. Not being
one to just "take it" though, she decided that she would put her
position as an officer's wife to good use--she couldn't do anything
about her oldest son's assignment, but she COULD pull some strings for
her youngest. And pull strings she did! She single handedly arranged
for her youngest son to get an assignment to Germany--on the same base
as she and her husband!
As the years rolled by, she did a lot of travelling both in the United
States and Europe with her husband. Both sons had survived the Vietnam
years and were safely back home, leaving her with peace of mind that
her boys were doing ok. By this time, her oldest son had already had a
daughter and two sons. Her youngest hadn't married, but was definitely
not sitting home alone on Saturday nights!
Though her life of travelling was exciting and allowed her to see
places she'd only read about before, both she and her husband were
growing weary of the constant moving, and in the spring of 1975, Jim
retired from the Army after nearly 35 years of service. Since Jim had
been readily accepted into the family, it was only natural that his
retirement from the Army would result in moving back to the small
community that the lady had called home for so many years.
More years came and went. Her youngest son had eventually married, but
the marriage ended in disaster. Her daughter in law had been quite the
nightmare--having gotten pregnant to 'snare' her son and then cheating
on him from day one. The last straw was when the daughter in law fled
to Florida to have an abortion--a pregnancy that had resulted from an
affair. Her oldest son was having issues of his own--his marriage had
been rocky at best. He'd become an alcoholic (like his father), a
womanizer (like his father), and an abuser (like his father). Though
the lady wasn't thrilled with her other daughter in law, she did at
least have respect for the fact that she was a strong woman and did her
best to keep her marriage together.
It was Christmas Eve 1979 when the lady (who'd mellowed quite a bit
over the years) had to pull on her past "gumption" and assert her
authority as a mother & grandmother. The Christmas gathering was at
her house, as it had been since she'd moved back home. Her eldest son
(who was by this time seriously into drugs & alcohol abuse) showed
up for the festivities high on cocaine & drunk. He'd come into the
house and made a complete ass of himself in front of everyone. She'd
warned him twice, but on the third warning her son "sassed" her--and
she hauled off with the loudest slap across his face that anyone had
ever heard!! She then proceeded to remind him that regardless of how
old he was, she was still his mother and he would respect her no matter
what!
Fast forward......
Summer 1986, Jim vanishes.
Several months later, the lady finds out that he's moved to his native
Oklahoma. She also finds out that he'd had an affair for five years
prior to his leaving. For the second time in her life, the lady had to
file for divorce. She won big in the settlement--she got the house, all
the money, and half of Jim's retirement check..on TOP of alimony. The
money & house weren't enough to heal her broken heart though.
For the next 11 years, the lady would struggle both financially and
emotionally, but she kept her faith through it all. She never
remarried, but she continued to make her family her top priority. She
was devastated when her oldest son died suddenly at the age of 46. A
mother never recovers from the loss of a child, and this lady was no
exception to the rule. Seeing his picture would bring her to tears.
Seeing his oldest son reminded her of her boy at that age....and it was
a comfort.
On March 3, 1997 the lady woke up with a horrible ear ache. It'd been
bothering her since the day before, but was getting progressively
worse. It was Sunday, so she got out her dress and shoes to get ready
for church. Before she could draw her bath water though, she decided
that she just didn't feel up to going to church and called her friend
to let her know (they rode together to service each week).
Within an hour, the lady was unconscious on the sofa. exactly 13 days
later she was gone from this life, having suffered a major stroke.
The "lady" in my story is my paternal grandmother. You all know her as
"Nannie"....I've spoken about her many times in the past on here, but
I've never gone into great detail about the kind of woman that she was.
Sure, I've boasted about having been her favorite grandchild, but I've
never really said anything about the woman that she was.
As is evident in my story she wasn't anyone famous. She never developed
a cure for cancer, and she never fed hungry orphans in Africa. That
wasn't her purpose on this Earth though. At least not in HER mind
anyway. Her purpose in this life was to be the best sister, wife,
mother, friend, .....and grandmother....that she could possibly be.
Was Nannie perfect? Nope. Not by a long shot! She could be nosey,
gossipy, & over protective of her sons & grandchildren. And
yes, she did burn her homemade biscuits on occasion, which
understandably were traumatic incidents for me!!
Perfect or not though, she was in my opinion the very epitomy of what a
grandmother should be....and I've never met another "grandmother" who
could even come close to being like Nannie.
Nannie was an amazing woman and an even more amazing grandmother, and I
think about her every day. It's been 11 years since that day in the
hospital when I had to help make the decision to take her off of the
life support system after her stroke. At times it seems like it's been
11 decades...while others it only seems 11 minutes.
Those of you out there who still have your grandmother, be happy about
that!! Call or visit her as often as you can and never let her wonder
if she's important to you. No matter how "busy" you are, stop and give
her a call just to say hello. You'll never regret it. Painful as it is
and has been for me not to have Nannie these last several years, I can
say that I *DO* know that she knew how important she was to me! And
I've never regretted telling her so!
Nannie 1977
OF COURSE LIKE ANY GOOD SOUTHERNER, I HAD TO PLANT THE FIRST ONE IN FRONT OF THE SATELLITE DISH SO'S IT'LL MAKE THINGS MORE PURTY!
