There are times in my life when all I can say about a given situation is "GOOD GRIEF".....yes, it may sound a bit Charlie Brown-ish, but hey..at least I'm not saying the GD word!! You say you want examples? Well, here ya go:

• Remember the stupid clinical adminstator that blamed ME for screwing up her scheduled maintenance appointment? Well, the issue was FINALLY resolved today. The new appointment is set and I was as happy as a pig in shit that I wouldn't have to deal with this stupid woman for at least another 6 months. Well, as luck would have it, the guy who's supposed to be doing the MR equipment (that caused the initial aggravation) is going to be out sick tomorrow. Yes, I get the daunting task of informing this woman.
• Since my brother divorced his first wife and married his 2nd, I've been doing cartwheels. I hated my first sister in law because she was an inbred bitch, but I *LOVE* my new sis in law because she's an awesome woman and I've known her forever. Well, little brother has had an attack of the lazies and has been laying out of work lately----A LOT!! My sister in law has a lot of patience with my brother, but she can only take so much! I'm praying that he will straighten himself out before it's too late!
• My aunt from Charleston SC is going on a trip to Hawaii at the end of May and invited me to go with! (My aunt is like a mom/big sister figure for me) The only catch is that I'd have to come up with $900 for a ticket. *sigh I could easily do that---if I wanted to skip a month's mortgage & a few other bills--but since I have this affection for having a place to live, I don't think I want to pursue that option!! All isn't lost though, because even though I'm too poor to go on the vacation of my dreams, she has asked me to babysit her cat & bird while she's away. Not a lot of fun THERE, but her house IS only 5 minutes from the beach!
• After last night's April Fool joke that I put up here, I started thinking that I could have done better with it--damnit! I won't go into the specifics because I think I'll use it for NEXT year!!

Speaking of yesterday's entry......

Even though in hindsight I thought I could have done better, I still got y'all good! hehehehe Check this out though--yesterday I changed the greeting for my cell phone voicemail---trust me when I say it was VERY silly---but I forgot to change it back. A friend of mine called late last night--right about the time it dawned on me that I hadn't changed it back!! I can only imagine the look on her face when she got THAT greeting!


Well, that's about it for tonight! Hope y'all have a good day tomorrow!

Unless you live under a rock, everyone knows that today was April Fool's Day. It's the one time when playing practical jokes on your family & friends is not only forgiven, but EXPECTED. By nature, I've always been a practical joker, but today put a screeching halt to all of that:

--> I started the day with a plan to get some good ones over on my boss at work. He's normally a very nice guy and we've gotten along great since the first day that we met. So today I come in with a roll of clear duct tape and proceed to tape his desk drawer shut, taped the light on the bottom of his mouse so that it wouldn't work, and then used some double sided tape on his foot rest. It was a disaster. He was NOT in a good mood when he came in--apparently he found out last night that his wife has been running around on him with one of his closest friends, so he was in no mood for practical jokes. Unfortunately, this was something that I didn't learn about until it was too late. He sat down at his desk and tried to start his computer, but since his mouse didn't work, he couldn't get it powered up. Then he goes to open his desk drawer to get a replacement mouse, and couldn't get it opened, which made him start cussing like a sailor. So he picks up his phone to call for IT support, puts his feet on his foot rest...when he saw me & my former hens giggling, he scowls, and then gets up to come over to us...and immediately steps right out of his shoes, which were stuck to his footrest. Of course, we were howling by now, but that only worsened the situation. In our defense though, we had NO idea of his mood. So he comes over and proceeds to rake us all over the coals for being unprofessional and demands to know who did all of this. Well, the hens are still on the shit list, but I wasn't going to let them take the fall for me, so I owned up to everything. That led to a "conference" that resulted in my getting "written up" and a warning that I'd be fired the next time I did something like that!

--> Now you would THINK that I'd learned my lesson after that, but NOOOOOO....I just HAD to call my friend Sara at lunch time--she's just had the LapBand surgery to lose weight. I wanted to see how she's doing, but since I *knew* she can take a joke, I decided to pretend to be a bill collector for the hospital where she had the surgery. When "she" answered the phone, I started in on a very harsh insistance that she pay the remaining balance of her copay for the surgery IMMEDIATELY or she'd sue. Well, the joke was on ME that time, because it wasn't Sara that answered the phone at all--it was her elderly mother, who started crying when I was in the middle of my little act....when I realized who'd answered the phone, I started apologizing and told her who I was. She said, "Love (she's English), I know you meant well, and I know Sara would be laughing right now if she could, but she has decided to have the operation reversed because she has been throwing up all night." I was devastated. Sara waited for YEARS to have this operation done, and she barely gave it a chance before she gave up.

--> By lunchtime, I was completely bummed out. I got in trouble with my boss and then felt like shit when I heard about what'd happened to him, and then one of my best friends is sick & giving up on something she's wanted for so long. I felt like the world's biggest jerk.

So needless to say, my days of pulling the April Fool's pranks are O-V-E-R as of today!! From now on, I'm going to have to just supress my sense of humor (warped as it is!)....

Damn, now I'm even more depressed. *sigh

I won't cry in my coffee anymore for this evening....I think I'll go and update my other blog on here...I've been working on a "poem" of sorts, but it's kind of depressing--so what the hey...I'm suddenly finding myself inspired to finish it up.

Hope y'all had a better day than me.

It's Monday.
Since it was a pretty shitty day all around, I've decided that rather than bitch about my day with the boneheads that I have to deal with from 8:30-5:30 Monday thru Friday, I'll just run something by you all out there. It's a new policy that I think might solve some of the issues I've had going on the last few weeks:

1. Effective immediately, any employee of Company X who can not do their job because they are lazy sacks of shit will be fired.

2. If you don't like the way that your work is assigned to you, find your laptop & look up your job description. Then look up the job descriptions for those that are your support. If after having looked up these things you find that you still don't like the way things are done, cry a few tears and then get your dumbass to work. Or turn in your resignation. We'll find someone else who's willing to make $62,000 per year to start.

3. If you receive an email that tells you the specifics of something that your support team has done for you, do not try to say you didn't get the email because we have proof that you did and you will end up looking very stupid when you're proven to be a liar. And then you'll be fired.

4. You are paid to work from the hours of 8a-5p Monday through Friday. You are also on call beginning at 7:15a--do not bitch when you are assigned a job that begins at 8a--you get paid for those hours and you are not allowed to sit on your ass until you feel like going to work.

5. If you call in sick, you will need to let someone know you're not coming to work BEFORE half the day has passed, unless you are in a coma. Or dead.

6. When you're asked a question, do not give a 30 minute speech on how much you hate your job. Answer the question and get your ass back to work. And when you receive an email marked "URGENT", do not wait until a week later to answer it.

7. The lady who did BryM's job before him left the position willingly, and we might add, with a great deal of enthusiasm. She is not coming back no matter how much you bitch and moan about it. If you still want to screw her when you're in town, her extension is 5454.

8. One of the biggest reasons that you are now being micro-managed is because you were not doing your job. You have been caught several times saying that you completed a job that you in fact did NOT do. You've also claimed overtime hours while you were sitting at home drinking beer and watching Woody Woodpecker cartoons on Boomerang. You made your bed, now lie in it.

9. If you ask for a week of vacation only 2 days in advance and you do not get approved for it, do not call in sick for an entire week. We are not stupid and we know why you called in sick. When you get back, you'd BETTER have a doctor's note or we will find someone else who can do your job.

10. Last but not least, GROW UP. Do your job and quit bitching. There are a million unemployed people in this country that would LOVE to have your job and working conditions! Remember that!

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So what do y'all think? Should I submit this proposal to the company??

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In OTHER news----

--> One of my former hens (I'm still not completely over the whole incident from last month!) cracked me up Friday. It seems that on Thursday "Jill" asked "Gina" for some aspirin to help get rid of a headache. Gina reaches into her purse and gives Jill a bottle of what she thought was Advil. Jill takes two and goes on about her day. Around lunchtime, Jill says she's extremely sleepy and takes a nap in her car during her lunch break. A couple of hours later, she's walking in circles in the lobby trying to stay awake. So Friday morning rolls around and Jill is off for the day--Gina tells me, "I feel SOOOO bad about something I inadvertantly did yesterday..." It turns out that Gina was looking in her purse and comes across the bottle of Advil and is horrified to discover it was in fact Advil *PM*!!!!!!!! Jill had taken TWO of them, which is why she was so sleepy on Thursday!!! Folks, I may still be a bit miffed at the hens, but I laughed for an HOUR about that!!!!

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That's all I've got for now! Time to catch up with you all! Have a good night!

Had I not grown up in this damned state of North Carolina, I'd probably pack my things and move to Alaska. Or Hawaii. At least in those two places you can count on the weather pretty much staying the same all year...Alaska is always cold and Hawaii is always warm. Here in NC it is a mixture of everything at any given time of the year--except for summer when it's just too damn hot & sticky!! Take Friday for instance--after having been relatively pleasant for the majority of the week, we went up to 82 degrees. Then today, we're back down to the low 50s--and it rained. Naturally, that was completely different than what the WeatherChick had said on Channel 5. It's very annoying, especially on my day off, to have to contend with crappy weather. Sheesh.

Of course there would be drawbacks to moving to Alaska or Hawaii--if I were to move to Alaska, I'd more than likely end up getting trampled by a moose or falling off an iceberg. And Hawaii--well, let's just say the headline in the paper would read: "Local Man In Coma After Being Hit on Head by Large Bunch of Pineapples"....

Maybe I should just be happy where I'm at?

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My new front porch seemed to be quite the gathering spot last night--it started out when Cindy popped over for a visit. After a while, here comes the OTHER neighbors Jeremy & Rebecca...poor Rebecca--she's 7 months pregnant and just found out she's got walking pneumonia! Naturally, this diagnosis (or the pregnancy) hasn't stopped her from smoking!! After about another half hour here comes my cousin--he's having some problems with the wife and needed  a place to hideout for awhile.   I should start charging admission!

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I've got babysitting duty next Saturday evening! My sister is in desperate need of having some grown-up time with a few friends, so I volunteered my services. Eli is 2 years old now, so he's a bit easier to take care of now. The only thing is that when my sister leaves, he has a FIT. She's adopted a very bad habit though--when she leaves, she sneaks out of the house--that is NOT a wise thing to do--it gives children some serious issues!

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Well that's about it for now--time for bed!

It's been a day--

--> Every few weeks, I have to add at least 1 quart of oil to Christine the Truck (no relation to Christine the blogger here at the 'stream!)....and thankfully she's obsessed with me enough to give me little signs that it's time for said quart of oil by flashing the red oil light. Now, every couple of months, I also have to add brake fluid--again warned of this fact by a flashing red light when I'm making a turn. So today I'm on the way to work and I start down the onramp to the highway--first the oil light flashes--and then the brake light flashes. Then the oil, then the brake. I'm the only person I know who has a disco ball going off at 7:30 am in a vehicle!

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--> Once I got to work, I head into the building and become witness to a very bizarre...and sad...incident. There are three floors in my office building--my work area is on the second. Since the elevator is slow as hell, I usually just take the stairs. It's usually an uneventful walk up the stairs to my floor, but today was different. As I'm coming up to the first landing, a quarter falls out of the sky and lands on my foot. Since God has a sense of humor where I'm concerned, I figured that was his answer to my prayer of winning the lottery! So within a couple of seconds, a penny falls from the sky, and then just as I'm looking up to tell God, "yeah, real funny!" I get hit on the head with a half roll of Lifesavers--this bothered me on two accounts...the first being that it was peppermint Lifesavers, and the second thing being that it mussed my hair. I'm VERY particular about the 'do!!
        So the mystery change & candy thrower turned out to be a rather tattered-looking woman who had been making her way to the 3rd floor and dropped her purse, which of course completely emptied itself--onto me. Now being the southern gent that I am, I bend down to pick up her change and candy so that I can bring it up to her--meanwhile, she's frantically scurrying to gather the contents of her purse--and I soon got to know a very intimate detail of this poor woman when I felt something hit my back-- and turned to see it was a tampon.   This, of course, explained why she was swearing like a sailor on leave!!

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--> A bit later in the morning, I get a phone call from Mother Nature--she tells me, "You need to pee." Not being one to question ol' Mama Nature, I head for the men's room and start towards my favorite stall to do my business--apparently someone thought it was a good idea to put one of those automatic spraying air-freshener things on top of the hand dryer that's on the wall right in the path that has to be taken to the last stall. As I walk by the dryer, that damn air freshener sprayed me!! I guess a good thing from that was that I had the best smelling ear on the floor!!

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--> Lunch time reinforced my theory that it should be state law that anyone who moves to North Carolina should be required to buy (and STUDY!) a freakin' MAP!! All I wanted to do was get to McDonald's for my grilled chicken sandwich--but NOOOOOOOO--I had to end up in a line that's at least a mile long--the traffic light had gone out at the intersection, but rather than folks turning around and going another route, they all just SIT there!! I'm assuming they were waiting for the light to turn green--nevermind the damn thing wasn't working.

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Thankfully, the rest of the day was uneventful--which was a good thing because after being blinded by flashing lights in my truck, then being pelted with coins and female sanitary essentials, and then contending with the lack of a Yankee lane on one of the major streets in the city where I work, I don't think I could have taken anything else!!