You all will be happy to know that I did in fact survive the "hurricane" that we had here in Central North Carolina last night.                           


  Although....it WAS a harrowing experience at times! Behold: my 'somewhat maybe it could have happened this way possibly' account of the "hurricane":


Midnight, Saturday September 6, 2008:

I begin my public service of posting the official BryM Guide to Surviving a Tropical Storm/Hurricane...once I am sure that the masses are now armed with the tools to survive the inclement weather, I retire for the evening. The rain is coming down pretty hard, but the winds are actually calm.

I'd just settled in for my night's slumber when all of a sudden I heard on the roof such a clatter....I shot from my bed to see what was the matter.....oh wait....that's what happens at Christmas time. Hmm...let's see...Three Blind Mice, see how they bump into each other...no, that's the Children's Nursery Rhyme entry...oh yes, here we go: hurricanes. Ok, well I'm asleep for a couple of hours when I hear the dreaded sound: COMPLETE SILENCE. Yes, the electricity had gone off. It's funny how when you're sound asleep and the power goes out, you automatically wake up! It's a good thing that I did wake up, because after I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I realized that I was floating down Main Street in a laundry basket!                                                                                                                                                                                                    

  As you can imagine, I was quite puzzled as to how I'd ended up floating down Main Street...especially when Front Street is so much closer to my house! I didn't have much time to ponder though because it was only a few seconds later that I realized I was quickly approaching the business district of Fuquay-Varina. Thankfully I'd stuffed my debit card into my nightcap and I was able to pick up a dozen glazed doughnuts at Dunkin' Donuts. You all would be surprised how many folks were floating through that part of town so late in the evening!

As I continued to be rushed away by the rapids formerly known as Main Street, I heard in the distance a familiar voice calling out....."damnit, how am I supposed to read with all of this water splashing onto my book?!" It was my dear friend Nightbug!! She'd also been swept away by the rushing water...although I do have to admit she looked a bit silly trying to navigate her way around on an ironing board...but at least there was plenty of room for both she and her faithful canine companion Sam. As we passed by each other, she shouted, "call me!" That was the last time that I saw her, although I did hear reports of local townsfolk rescuing a rather thin lady from the top of a tree who was clinging to a rather disheveled looking German shepard...so I'm guessing that was her.                                            

   Naturally, I was also concerned about my roommate Chris. I hadn't seen him during my adventures on the raging rapids...but it wasn't long before I discovered that he was just fine. The flow of water had slowed somewhat as I passed by the shopping center where he works, and there he was...frantically cleaning the floors of the Home Depot, complaining that he'd never get rid of the grit and grime caused by this damned storm! As I floated by, I hid my face because I knew that he'd demand that I stop frolicking in the rain and help him clean! Luckily, the wind started to pick up about this same time and I was quickly whisked away before Donna Reed, er, Chris spotted me! I held on tight to my laundry basket/makeshift boat wondering where I'd end up next.....

5:30 a.m. EDT  Saturday, September 6, 2008:

I'd now been on my adventure with Hurricane Hannah for quite a while and I was getting a bit water logged...after all, laundry baskets may be good for those quick dips in the pool, but let's face it...they're just not practical when one finds oneself being involuntarily floated down a river that was once a city street! As the wind whipped the rain into my face, I struggled to see where I was going....I breathed a sigh of relief (and swallowed a bug in the process) when I realized that I was actually being pushed back towards my own home! I silently hoped that my home would still BE there as the current turned me into the entrance of my beloved subdivision.

As I rounded the corner, I saw my neighbor and close friend Cindy...she'd fared quite well during the storm, having made flotation devices out of empty rum bottles and bits of string. My other neighbor Todd had also survived, but was more than a little bit miffed that he was unable to start a fire in the stack of debris resulting from the storm.

I got a little nervous when the wind started to pick up even more and it looked like I was going to float right by my house (which thankfully WAS still standing!), so I grabbed onto a piece of rope that just happened to be floating by (hey, it's my story so I can have rope conveniently floating by if I want to!) and I put into motion my daring plan: I made a lasso and threw it towards my front porch....damn! I missed!! I tried again...MISSED!! Then I spotted my faithful but ferocious Guard Poodle Sammy and I tossed the rope to him...he lept into the air and grabbed the rope with his teeth and reeled me in to safety while Miss Bigglesworth the Cat looked on with very little interest. As I jumped out of my laundry basket and entered the front door, the power came back on....although I could have survived if it had stayed off just a few minutes longer because the cordless phone began to ring...it was Roomie Chris, urging me to make sure that the house was clean in case any survivors of the storm happened to drop in for a visit!

  Yep it's true....good ol' Fuquay-Varina, NC is right in the path of Tropical Storm/Hurricane Hannah! Most of North Carolina is, not surprisingly, in a state of panic because of the impending storm. To calm the masses, I've come up with the official

BRY-M GUIDE TO SURVIVING A TROPICAL STORM/HURRICANE

1) When one hears that a tropical storm/hurricane in the Atlantic Ocean, one must prepare themselves early for the likelihood that the catastrophic event will make a direct hit upon one's home. Even if every meteorologist in the United States and Canada announces the storm is headed for Brazil it's still a wise choice to prepare for the worst. The astute hurricane observer will stock up on much needed supplies that will be essential to survival once the world as we know it has ended after the storm has passed:

• Milk & bread: once the Earth has faced total anhilation these two ingredients will be the key to making those life giving milk sandwiches.
• Batteries of all sizes:  the destruction of our planet after the storm will find the unprepared citizen openly weeping because there were no batteries to power the radio that no longer works because the storm knocked down every transmitting tower in the world. Think smart! Get those batteries NOW!!
• Last will & testament:  since it's clear that a tree will fall on one's house during the storm and render one dead, it's critical that one's last requests are readily available so that whomever has survived the event will be able to disperse one's belongings & assets to anyone who needs them.
• Home Depot credit card:  since Brazil [where the hurricane is headed] is a few thousand miles away, the chance of being bombarded with high winds is very real. One is wise to head to Home Depot to buy plywood for boarding up every entrance & window to one's home. Don't forget the extended warranty!
• Working cell phone:  this handy device will enable one to call one's family members and say their final good-bye's because of the aforementioned tree falling on one's home and killing them.

And now for your viewing pleasure....photos of the storm as it prepares to invade the area and cause billions of dollars in damage.....

------> Dont' be fooled folks! That may LOOK like just a bunch of clouds, but it's really the evil that is about to make your children orphans!!

------> Even the local Wal-mart isn't a safe haven for the doomed souls of this area!!

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  ELSEWHERE in the world of BryM:

• Hen Conchetta wasn't very happy with me today. I asked a question about why a certain process we follow is necessary because it was obsolete. Conchetta explained that "it's not up to an employee to question a policy, but to just follow it..." Yeah. She REALLY said that. To ME! Needless to say, she wasn't very impressed when I laughed at her response and declared "I'm not a robot that follows whatever orders are uploaded into his brain...."
• Christine the Truck has struck again. This time she's decided it would be fun to poke a hole in her exhaust pipe so that she sounds like a 1963 Volkswagen Beetle while travelling down the road. I, however, was NOT amused.

Ok well that's all for now. Time for me to head down into the bomb shelter and hope that I survive the 20MPH winds that are kicking up outside!!

The area in which I sit at work is something that I often refer to as "the barnyard"....my desk is located right in the middle of a group of women who are always chattering back and forth...which I refer to as clucking, thus earning them the nickname of "the hens". Since I'm the only guy in the bunch, I of course am "the rooster"....all day long the hens are clucking back and forth & at times I have to put in my two cent's worth. Needless to say, the conversations can get pretty interesting:

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HEN LAKISHA:  Would anyone like some of my hardboiled egg?

ROOSTER BRY:  Good Lord woman!! How could you hard boil one of your offspring??! That's barbaric!!

HEN LAKISHA:  It's easier than sending them to college!!

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ROOSTER BRY: [sniffing the air] Ok...which one of you hens dropped a rotten egg?

HEN PAULINA:  God! How gross can you be?!

ROOSTER BRY:  Hey, I'm not the one who was munching on one of my kids earlier! So I'm guessing Lakisha is the guilty one!

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Hen Sally & Hen Conchetta are having a disagreement. Rooster Bry is discovered to be listening in on the coversation, which prompts Hen Sally to stop mid cluck & ask Bry: "well what do YOU think about this?!" Rooster Bry replies: "Well I don't think it's anything you should be getting your feathers ruffled over!"

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This is a short one tonight...I'm pooped!

THE GOOD:

Although the image could technically be used to illustrate the "ugly" part in tonight's title, it's actually aimed at announcing that ol' BryM isn't going senile after all...or at least not YET anyway! I did a quick "I'm worried and need to see you NOW" trip to the doc's today to talk about the memory issues I've had going on, and it looks like we're going to try a few things to figure out what the problem is. First, we're exploring the vitamin deficiency thing...given the fact that my body has changed so much over the last few years, it's a big probability. So I'm going to be on some super charged revved up vitamins to see if that helps. If that doesn't work, we're going to look at the adult ADD thing...and if THAT isn't the case, then we'll start taking some pictures of the ol' noggin and see if there's anything other than dust up there.

So that's the GOOD.

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Here's a little GOOD with a dash of BAD thrown in:

Late today, everyone in my building at work got a rather shocking email announcing that our BIG boss in the office was being "reassigned" to an "exiciting new venture" as a field manager. Hmmmm.....seems to me like that's a DEMOTION...wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that nearly 25 people have up and quit with no notice in the last month and a half?
Let's just say that people were applauding loudly when the announcement was made! The funny thing is though that until some REAL change is made, I'll still be a grouch!!

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THE BAD:

Nothing really bad to talk about tonight. I just think this is a funny little cartoon...it actually reminds me of myself if I were to ever encounter a sign like this.

No, really...it does! Ask Nightbug!










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and, finally...THE UGLY:

Even though you can't really see it very well in this picture, I didn't shave the ENTIRE time that I was off on my mini-vacation over the Labor Day weekend! It was such a nice feeling to wake up in the morning (AFTER the sun came up no less!) and not have to worry about shaving OR showering! Of course, I actually DID shower becauseskipping a day of washing my ass is just not acceptable. (And the world breathes a collective sigh of relief!)

Now while the whole not shaving thing was nice, in my haste this morning to shed the extra hairage (is that a word?) I made a bit of a goof and ended up trimming the 'stache a little TOO close. Since shaving it off completely is NOT an option, I'm now down to the half bald lip look.

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And that's all for now!

I've bitched a number of times about how my sister hasn't allowed me to babysit my nephew at my house, and how hurt & pissed I've been about that because my sister in law, my cousin, the lady down the street, and even the mailman have all kept my nephew for extended times. I'd been having a really hard time trying to figure out WHY it was that I seemed to be snubbed from the list of preferred sitters....

Well, now I know why.

It seems that I actually *HAVE* been asked to watch my nephew on more than one occassion...and I had even volunteered to pick him up from daycare once....but I don't remember any of those instances.

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Cindy (from across the street) has asked me several times to program the Bluetooth in her truck so that it works with her cell phone (that handy thing where you can talk on the phone through your stereo speakers!)....according to Roomie Chris, she finally gave up after the last time that I didn't show.

Yet again, I'm drawing a complete blank. I know that Cindy has asked me to program the thing, but I do not recall ever giving a specific time that I'd do it...even though it's a 5 minute process and she lives a few hundred feet from me!

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Roomie Chris has asked me to do errands for him and then exploded when he came home and I "acted like I didn't know what he was talking about".....

Guys at work have called and asked me to do various tasks for them that never get done.....

and the list goes on....

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All of these instances were brought to my attention after my sister in law called to invite me over to her house today......she called, asked what I had planned for the day and invited me over to hang out by the pool and visit with my nephews & nieces. I said I'd be there around 4 or so....

At 8:30 I get a phone call from her asking what happened to me today.....to which I replied, "HUH?".....I had no clue what she was talking about. Had it not been for the fact that my brother was sitting right beside her when she was on the phone with me, I might have thought that she was just trying to make me feel like a jerk or something because I haven't been out to see them lately.

That's when my brother gets on the phone and starts to tell me about all the things I mentioned...he said that he's been "keeping track" of some stuff that's been going on for a while, but he didn't want to over react...."I mean, you ARE a little flighty at times", he says.

Apparently, the brother isn't the only one who's been keeping tabs, because when I got off the phone I told Roomie Chris about the talk and he brought up the Cindy thing...and other times that I've just "blown off" things....

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SOOOOOO......

If my life isn't complicated enough, it now appears that I'm either losing my mind, becoming stupid, or going senile. Or the way that MY luck runs, all of the above!

The really scary part of all of this is that I know inside it's all true. I can remember being a toddler sitting on my grandmother's lap while she hummed to me, but I can't remember a phone call I had earlier today, or whether I paid the water bill this month. I can tell you the HTML code for a webpage that I built six months ago, but damned if I can tell you the address of it. And frankly, if I didn't keep a blog, I doubt that I'd remember a LOT of things that have happened in my life the last couple of years!

Of course these revelations from family & friends is going to usher in a new chapter in my life...one that I'm frankly a bit nervous about...but one that I'm going to have to face if I ever want to have any sense of normalcy again.

And on that cheerful note, I'm headed off to cyberland to see if I'm still coherent enough to do some research on (premature senility?)....