Yes, yes...I know...I'm a horrible person for having gone so long without making an entry here! Actually, I *have* been composing entries, but thanks to the magic of "Blogger", even though the entries were incomplete, I was still able to save them until I was RE-inspired to write!

It's been a less than banner week for me. I've just been in such a funk. Most of that I can attribute to the homelife and work [big surprise huh?].....but mostly the work part. At least this time I'm not alone at the   office in feeling that I'm spinning my wheels for nothing...everyone in the building is getting really SICK of the crap from the suits. Never mind that we've told and SHOWN them that this new system of doing this is a miserable failure...they insist that they are right and we are mere idiots with no idea of what works and what doesn't. It's really....REALLY...hard for me to keep my opinions to myself when the boss comes over and wants to know "how things are going...."

On the homefront: sheesh. First Roomie Chris wants to rearrange every stick of furniture in the house...including moving his 4 ton rolltop desk which contained his computer. He decided to unhook his desktop PC and use the laptop because "he's never on the computer much anyway...." and moving the desk into the living room meant that he couldn't have the internet in there without an adapter. So Friday night he asks me to hook up the desktop again and install one of the 2 adapters that I have. No biggie because I can just plug my desktop directly into the router....an hour and a half later, I was about to jump off the roof because my computer wouldn't work with the router for some reason. So I tell him, "sorry dude...you wanted the desk moved, so now you have to deal with no internet unless you buy another adapter..." He was not amused. I guess that's the price one pays for being Donna Reed on crack, eh?

By the way, I updated my OTHER blog as well with a rather interesting topic: past life regression!

That's about it for now! Hope everyone is having a good holiday weekend!

Last night I shared the wonderful news that my cousin Kelsey is finally home from the hospital. Naturally I was about to burst to go and see her, so Roomie Chris and I went over for a visit this evening. She's doing very well....she's able to get around on crutches & her eye is looking much better even if she still can't open it all the way! The best part though is that she's back to her usual self....trust me when I tell you that hearing her talk & laugh was music to my ears! As we were talking about the adventures that she's about to have with all the doctor visits & such, I asked her if she was enjoying having everyone wait on her hand and foot....well she tells me that she loves it but that mom & dad were warning her not to milk the situation!!   WELL!! That simply will NOT do!! What good is being critically injured in an accident if you can't get even the tiniest amount of sympathy??!! So I devised a plan.

I told Kelsey that when it starts to look like the parental units are not responding to her whims, to put her arm against her forehead, get a pitiful look in her eye and say, "you're aggravating my condition....."

My cousin and his wife are now plotting my untimely (and painful) demise!

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Now for the REST of my day:

• There is a plot against me. Everyone within a 30 mile radius of me who owns an automobile is out to cause me to have a hurrendous (sp?) crash!! I know this because for the last 3 days I have encountered numerous vehicles crossing over the yellow line headed straight for me; then there's the goober in the ATM lane at the bank who thought it'd be funny to just back up for no apparent reason and not stop until I've blown the horn and shouted some pretty vile words at them; and then today the Army dude who was driving in the WRONG direction in the McDonald's parking lot....since it was raining today Christine made quite a spectacle of herself by sliding a good 10 feet before finally stopping!   
  

• The travel to and from work is once again going to be a bit less than horrible....a few weeks ago the antenna on my cherished XM Radio died on me. Being the cheapskate that I am, I opted not to pay THIRTY dollars for a new antenna...I decided I'd "fix" the damned thing myself. So 1/2 roll of electrical tape & many sobbing episodes later I finally broke down and started the search for a new antenna. Walmart didn't have them. Radio Shack didn't have them. I was about to bite the bullet and pay the $30 for a new one when it dawned on me to search the internet for one. Eureka!! I found a site that had the one that I need...and for only EIGHTEEN dollars!! If finally arrived today and I am happy to say that at least that little corner of my world is doing pretty well!!      
  

• I learned a valuable lesson at work today: if you have a "private" telephone line, it's VERY unwise to give that number to someone who could potentially bug the shit out of you. The second part of my life's lesson today is that if giving out one's private telephone number is unavoidable, then one must NEVER.....EVER....EVEREVEREVER say, "call me if you need anything else...." Long story short, "Mary" spoke with me last week about a problem with a piece of equipment. I took care of sending someone out, and life was good....even though she was crunching Frito's corn chips in my ear the whole time. Well today Mary calls back...on my private line...and tells me she's having the same problem. At least that's what I am THINKING she said....I couldn't hear very well over those damn Fritos again!! Folks, there are a great number of things in life that annoy me to no end....eating something crunchy while on the phone is right up there at the top of the list of annoying things!  
  

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Tomorrow is Wednesday. Only two more days after that before the weekend and my return to sanity...at least for a few days anyway!

First, the good news...scratch that. The GREAT news is that cousin Kelsey came home from the hospital today!!! She did SO well in her physical therapy that the folks at the hospital decided it wasn't necessary for her to stay any longer, so she officially got sprung!! I wanted to do cartwheels when I got the news!!!

Of course she still has to have the physical therapy for her knee but she can do it as an outpatient thing. The doctors even said that if she's still doing well with her recovery that she might be able to go back to school in the next couple of weeks. She'll start off the first few weeks by only going half days..and of coures there's to be NO physical activity [because of the head injury], and ALL sports including cheerleading are off limits for at least a year. She's not too happy about THAT, but the important thing is that she's ok!

• One of my chickens went over the deep end today. I was just getting off the phone when it happened.....Conchetta was also on the phone talking to one of the field guys and apparently the coversation wasn't going too well because the next thing I know she starts crying...mid cluck even!! It seems that our new "more efficient" way of doing our job finally got the best of her. Our boss just so happened to be wandering around the general vicinity of Conchetta's desk and came over to see what was wrong. It was at that point that I heard her tell him, "you people said that combining all these functions into one would make my job easier, but it's made it five times harder!!" I felt really sorry for poor Conchetta....she's been with the company for over 5 years and has NEVER had a problem with doing her job. She's not alone either: so far we've had roughly 15 people quit their job, five of which were people that one day just got up and walked out.
  

Now you'd think THAT kind of turnover in such a short amount of time just might raise some red flags about this catastrophe to the suits, right? WRONG!! As usual, they are completely oblivious to the problem. Anytime that someone goes to management with complaints or concerns they're told, "you just have to learn how to budget your time more wisely...."


Yes folks, it's your typical "Office from Hell" crap! I'm just wondering how many more people will have to get up and walk out during the middle of the day before those bonehead managers start to ask themselves, "hmmm...I wonder why so many people are quitting?"

• Ok so now we've got one good thing and one bad thing for tonight's entry. Now lets have an AWESOME thing---Genie Francis returned to General Hospital today!!!! For those of you who've been living under a rock since the late 1970s and don't know who Genie Francis is, she's the actress who plays Laura on the show. The poor thing went over the deep end back in 2002 and was in a catatonic state for 4 years. Then a miracle drug was developed (aren't soap opera drugs ALWAYS a miracle drug??!} and she came out of the catatonia...but only for about a month, at which time she went BACK into the catatonic state. I wept openly when poor Laura went back into LaLaLand!
  

So how did she have ANOTHER amazing recovery? Well it seems that her daughter LuLu has gone nuts herself after having killed her boyfriend and Laura loves her daughter so much that she comes out of the state she's been in. Yes, it's a bit of a far-fetched story, but you have to remember....this is a character that was dead for a few years back in the early 1980s, so this return is quite plausible!

• Last but not least...........my roomie Chris is driving me INSANE!! He'd mentioned last week that he wanted to move a "few" pieces of furniture around. I knew right then that I was doomed. There is no such thing as moving "just a few pieces around" with this knucklehead!! So last night at about 8:00 he decides that it's time to start moving those "few pieces" around.....keep in mind that I get up at 5:45AM every day, so 8pm is not far from my bedtime. As I'd suspected, we ended up moving ALL of the furniture in the den into the living room, and all the living room stuff into the den. Now here's the stuff that ended up getting moved around:

1. Chris' roll top desk [weight: 4,000 pounds]
2. Sectional sofa [weight: 500 pounds & very bulky]
3. Big ass TV [55 inches even!]
   
4. Various other items of varying weight and awkwardness.
   

By the time that we FINALLY got everything moved around, it was after 11pm....no I was NOT a happy camper!! I swear folks, it's like living with Donna Reed on crack!!

Back in late 2006 I found myself with a lot of spare time on my hands when I was unceremoniously drop-kicked from my job at the pizza restaurant from hell. In between searching for a job on the internet and going on some interviews from hell, I started something that I'd been wanting to do for a very long time.....I started to write a book. I got a good amount of work done on it, but I ended up hitting a brick wall. It wasn't that I was lacking in subject matter....I had plenty of THAT, but the problem was that there were so MANY different things that I wanted to write about that I just couldn't sort them all out in my mind. If that makes any sense. SO...this evening it dawned on me that instead of writing ONE book, I should write SEVERAL!! Since I'm a "lister" (i.e. I love to compose my lists!) I thought it might be fun [and maybe a little inspiring] to create a list of the subjects that I'd like to write a book about:


THE YANKEE TRANSPLANT'S GUIDE TO THE SOUTHERN ACCENT & CULTURE

• Much like the plague spread across Europe in the Dark Ages, so has the migration of Yankees to the South. Unlike the plague though, it doesn't look like we're going to get rid of the Yanks anytime soon. This book would serve any transplant well by interpreting into Yankish (the official language of the Yankee) all Southern words and phrases. Aside from the language translation though, the book would also serve as a guide to understanding the Southern culture. If every transplant in the land bought this book, I'd not only be stupid rich but perhaps the instigator of peace throughout the land.....the land of Dixie that is!!
  

SO YOU'VE BEEN BITCHSLAPPED...WHAT NOW?

• You're having an exchange of words with someone when you suddenly find yourself on the wrong end of a good old fashioned bitch slap but you have no idea WHY. This handy little manual could come in very handy to prevent that sort of situation from happening again. The book would detail the potential reasons why you suddenly developed a handprint on one or both of your cheeks. Perhaps you asked a really REALLY stupid question......maybe you asked a fat lady when her baby was due....or maybe you even called out someone else's name while doing the humpty hump with your better half. Whatever the case, by reading this book you would soon learn all the tricks to avoid public humiliation by saying or doing stupid things! 

HOW TO 'CRUISE FOR CHICKS'

• Guys....are you spending way too many weekend nights sitting at home watching reruns of Knight Rider just hoping to pick up some pointers on how to get a woman into bed with you? Well get up off that couch & put on your best duds because YOU'RE going out after you read this book!! I'll explain the things you should and should NOT do or say when trying to get lucky. For example: instead of smacking a woman on the ass when introducing yourself, smack her on the back of the head with a tire iron. This avoids that awkward period of actually talking to each other....AND you'll be living the way your ancestors did during the dinosaur days! This book would also explain the basic rules of dating etiquette....such as step by step instructions on how to seem interested in what your date has to say while checking out the waitress with the nice rack!
  

WHERE YOU SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT FART

• We're all guilty of it....farting in public or in the presence of one's date for the evening. Until now there wasn't much one could do about the sudden escape of built up methane gas from one's guts. Oh sure, there have been many books written on this topic but let's face it....inserting a butt plug when you know there's a potential for a case of flatulance just isn't practical. In fact, did you know that if enough gas builds up in your body you run the risk of turning that butt plug into a weapon of mass destruction?! It's true!! Once enough pressure has built up, the plug could be expelled at a speed of over 1500MPH...that's faster than most missiles!! This book approaches the idea of finding new ways to avoid the ridicule from family and friends after dropping a wet one... such as activating one of those air horns so that attention is diverted away from you! There could also be an entire chapter about how to use farting in cases of revenge against those who have wronged you.                                                                                                             

HOW TO FEND OFF THE ADVANCES OF CRAZY DRUNK BITCHES

• Most good looking guys would agree that the phenomenon of being pursued by crazy drunk bitches is a real problem in today's society. Last year alone there were more than 40,000 cases of men who had to seek professional counseling after having been groped, grabbed, and otherwise relentlessly pursued by these hideous creatures! When will the problem stop? Well guys, it stops NOW!! Buy this book and you'll find that you're in posession of a very powerful & effective tool for ridding yourself of bitches that carry a liquor bottle in one hand and a condom in the other.                                                                                                                                                          
  

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SO.....what do you all think?? Could I make a katrillion dollars with these?

That's it for now! [And yes, this will be a double-dipped entry!]

I'm such a pushover!!

At about 3:00 this afternoon I get a text message from my cousin (CJ & Kelsey's dad)...he asks me if I can come by the hospital after work and take him back to his house. Since Kelsey appears to be somewhat out of the woods (finally!) he thought it'd be a good idea to come home for a night to get some MUCH needed rest and get some other stuff taken care of...such as paying bills & making sure the house is still standing.

I had some reservations about doing this for more than one reason....first of all, I get off work at 5:30 which is of course the dreaded rush hour.....and even though it's only about 15 miles from my office to the hospital, with traffic it would easily take the better part of 45 minutes to get there.                     The SECOND reason is that I've been up since shortly after 5am and the LAST thing that I was wanting to do was spend the rest of my evening travelling 45 minutes to Raleigh and then an EXTRA 45 minutes driving the cousin home, and THEN driving another 15 miles to MY house! And the 3rd reason I didn't want to do this was because I had exactly 1/4 tank of gas...just enough to have gotten me home and to the price gouging station in the morning. By the way...the price gouging station is another term for gas station.

Then I started thinking about how VERY tired my cousin has to be after having spent the last 7 days at the hospital....anyone who's ever held vigil at a loved one's hospital bed probably knows exactly what I'm talking about!!     So of course I told the cousin that I'd come and get him and I started on my way, PRAYING that the traffic wouldn't be TOO hideous!! As I got onto the interstate, I found out that the old saying "no good deed goes unpunished" is actually TRUE! I not only didn't hit horrible traffic but I actually made the trip in 20 minutes!! I get to the hospital and head up to see Kelsey before the cousin and I started back home....she's in her own room now and is making really good progress with her recovery...except for being able to put any weight on the injured leg!                                                             Aside from that though, she's doing much better!!

So after my visit with Kelsey, we decided to leave (her mom is staying with her tonight)....and I was blessed once again with virtually NO traffic...although it was STILL a long ride!!

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That's about it for now...tomorrow is Friday!!